


Art-to-Heart

by sarajinki



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Coming of Age, Crushing on each other without knowing trope, High School, Literature, M/M, Music, Romance, Roommates, Slice of Life, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 14:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20211244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarajinki/pseuds/sarajinki
Summary: In their arts boarding school, Jonghyun and Jinki, who formerly didn’t know each other, become roommates on the last year. Jonghyun is a fiery popular dream boy at school, while Jinki is an awkward outcast who’s secretly gay. They don’t seem to have any in common, but through time in their intimate living situation, Jinki unexpectedly becomes the person Jonghyun can share his most sensitive and vulnerable side with.





	1. Same Space.

**Author's Note:**

> Story written for the Summer of SHINee event ~ ❤ I really loved writing this prompt and hope I did it justice !!!! 
> 
> A special thanks to AJ, my precious and lovely beta, who made this whole process a lot easier and helped me reach the finish line in time!! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think ^^

‘’Here we go again‘’ Jonghyun sighed as they made their way towards the school’s entrance.

‘’Um… weren’t you the one who couldn’t wait to leave your mom’s house cause you were tired of seeing her and her new boyfriend making out all the time?‘’

The reminder had the shorter man snorting before he quickly flicked his head sideways to get his blonde bangs out of his eyes.

‘’You don’t have to take everything I say so seriously‘’ Jonghyun indicated.

‘’You’re right‘’ Minho fervently agreed. ‘’By now, I should know how much of a drama queen you are.‘’

The blonde glared at his friend, their steps falling out of sync for a second.

‘’You’re in the drama program, not me.‘’ he reminded with a sharpness that didn’t fail to reveal how on edge he actually was.

Echoing the other’s previous snort, he said, ‘’Well I certainly think you could steal our shine with all the emotions you got bottled up in that small body of yours.‘’

“I’m not small, I’m average!‘’ Jonghyun all but growled, as he tried to pierce a hole in the side of his friend’s face with his gaze alone.

A second of silence left place for the sound of his friend’s irritating chuckle, but instead of letting it rile him up even more, he realized it would be best to direct the attention elsewhere.

More specifically, on someone else.

‘’ Also, ‘’ the blonde started, his voice soft and controlled. ‘’ You know very well there can only be one star in the drama program and that’s the one and only Kim Kibum. ‘’

His words rang in the heavy silence that immediately followed them, the empty echo contrasting with the growing sound of the other students walking around them. Jonghyun couldn’t help but grin as he noticed the clench in his friend’s jaw, the pursing of his lips and the electricity that seemed to be piercing out of his eyes.

Being called short was a great blow to Kim Jonghyun’s pride, but he knew how to counterattack with his own massive weapons of destruction, and his friend’s arch nemesis and somewhat friend was the biggest one of them.

‘’ That snobby fucker better have worked on himself during the break, cause I’m not sure I’ll be able to suffer him like I used to, ‘’ Minho snarled as his fingers curled into fists.

Jonghyun’s amusement bloomed into a roaring laughter that had his shoulders shaking and his eyes closing.

‘’ I’m sure he’s having similar thoughts right about now, ‘’ the blonde pointed out teasingly. He knew better than to add that they clearly couldn’t be without each other, but the thought was none the less at the forefront of his mind.

An angry sigh slipped from his best friend. ‘’ I don’t want to start the first few minutes of my school year thinking about him. Let’s focus on something else. Please. ‘’

Jonghyun laughed some more before looking straight ahead as they reached the foot of the steps leading to the place where they would be conducting their daily lives for the next few months.

That place was called the Yeonghon Arts School in the countryside of Yangnan. It was the second most reputable art school in the whole country, right after the Yeoljeong Arts School that was in the capital. If a student had had the chance to attend both schools, they would’ve seen for themselves that the caliber of education in both were on par with each other. But rankings were an important thing and the latter school had a few more successful alumni in their midst.

Jonghyun, for one, wasn’t one to care about the school’s positioning in the chart. All he cared about was that he was actually attending an arts school to begin with. A few years back, he had had to fight with his mother to get her on board with his dreams. It had been a long series of arguing and fighting that had eventually brought him to the point of threatening to drop out of school altogether and sing in the streets if he wasn’t going to have his way.

Sometimes, when Jonghyun looked back on that time of his life, he found himself surprised that he had been so sure and determined at such a young age. He felt lucky to have a passion that ran so hot through his veins, but that didn’t mean that he never felt scared of what would become of him after graduation.

This year was his last and that meant part of his future was going to be decided very soon. He was going to have to work hard to pass the college entrance exam and then figure out which university he wanted or could go to. Of course, he wanted to go to a music-focused university if he was to pursue his studies.

And the if was still a big question mark in his mind. Jonghyun had never been really good at school and everything that wasn’t music or writing didn’t really interest him that much. He had almost failed his math and sciences classes last year, but his ass had been saved by a beautiful dancer he had gotten acquainted with in the middle of the year.

One thing Jonghyun had going on for him in school though, was his charm. When he had started his first year, he had been pretty shy and intimidated by the other students’ assertiveness and impressive talents. It had taken him several months for his own talent to really shine and from then on, he hadn’t had much to do. Praise after praise after praise, either from teachers or other students, on his singing voice, his way with words and his first attempts at composition with his acoustic guitar had granted him a spot at the top of the boarding school’s social ladder.

By the end of that first year, he had made several friends, one of which had rapidly become his best of friends. That friend was the one currently walking besides him through the hallway leading to the reception area they had specially set up for the first day.

Many students greeted the duo excitedly, some girls even blushing and giggling as both men returned their greetings. It was something they had gotten used to over the years, even more so after they’d gotten through the worst of their puberty.

Jonghyun was feeling like his best self, physically and creatively, and having others seeing him through the same lens sure did wonders to boost that ego of his even more. He wasn’t obnoxiously confident, but he relished in his appeal and the power that resided in it.

‘’ Hyung!!! ‘’

The scream that startled the blonde was soon followed by a touch on his shoulder. Both his and Minho’s eyes settled on the bright expression of the younger man that had just joined them.

‘’ I tried to catch up with you earlier, but there were so many students. I almost had to fly over them, ‘’ the latter chortled.

‘’ Knowing you, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear you suddenly learned how to fly, ‘’ Jonghyun bantered before he ruffled the dark shock of fluffy hair the younger man was presenting him with.

That earned him another breathy laugh. ‘’ I missed you, hyung. ‘’

‘’ I missed you too, my sweet Taeminnie, ‘’ the blonde cooed as his lips stretched into a soft, loving smile.

The two of them were too busy getting caught up with their reunion that they didn’t catch the taller one rolling his eyes at the sight. Minho couldn’t say he was an expert in flirting, but he knew when his best friend was in full charming mode. What he hadn’t been prepared for was to see that switch get flicked on around another guy. From what he knew, Jonghyun had always just flirted with girls, but ever since he had met that Taemin, an exception to the unspoken rule seemed to have been made.

Minho didn’t care if his friend actually swung both ways, but what did bother him was feeling like a complete ghost whenever the younger one came around. For that reason alone, he couldn’t say he liked Taemin. On the contrary, thoughts of not having him around at all had surfaced more times than he could count.

‘’ We’re kinda just standing in the way for no fucking reason, guys, ‘’ he pointed out as his eyes zeroed in on the sly smile that danced on the brunette’s lips. He hadn’t heard what had been just said, but he knew it was for the best.

‘’ Someone’s grumpy, ‘’ Jonghyun teased as he finally tore his gaze away from the gorgeous-looking brunette and locked eyes with the serious ones of his best friend.

‘’ Someone is just trying to get through this first day and for that we need our entrance kit, ‘’ Minho conveniently reminded before striding off to reach their initial destination.

Jonghyun just followed him for a bit with a confused gaze before he looked back at the previous object of his attention.

‘’ Minho doesn’t really like me, does he? ‘’ Taemin inquired as his own gaze flicked downwards towards the empty space between them.

‘’ Yah! ‘’ Jonghyun exclaimed to bring the other’s attention back to him. When the younger one looked up, he went on. ‘’ Who wouldn’t like you, huh? ‘’

Taemin couldn’t help the smile that itched at the corner of his full lips. ‘’ You’re being silly, hyung, ‘’ he playfully countered. ‘’ But as you long as you like me, it’s all good. ‘’

Jonghyun grinned as his chest swelled with pride. He knew he definitely had to keep this kid around. ‘’ I should go see grumpy old man before he finds a cane to hit people with. ‘’

His joke was answered with yet another airy laugh that made his stomach flip.

‘’ Yeah and I should go to my own wing now. Jongin’s probably looking for me, ‘’ Taemin indicated, not without a hint of disappointment in his voice.

‘’ Go on. We’ll talk later, ‘’ Jonghyun reassured before giving him his brightest smile.

The younger one soon was on his way, leaving Jonghyun to resume his previous excursion on his own. It wasn’t too long before he found Minho again. The latter was now waiting in line with most students of their year to get their essentials – the school’s rulebook and information guide, the sheet with their assigned roommate, the keys to their room and their yearly agenda.

Jonghyun had no problem skipping ahead the several students that were separating him from his best friend. They all just made way for him.

‘’ Why do you hate Taemin? ‘’ Jonghyun immediately addressed as he stopped beside his best friend.

‘’ I don’t hate the guy, ‘’ Minho answered on the spot, still looking ahead.

‘’ Every time he is around, you either don’t really talk to him or you just leave. You don’t even act like that with Kibum, so you must really hate _the guy_, ‘’ the elder emphasized.

‘’ Look, ‘’ Minho sharply started. ‘’ I don’t have to be friends with everyone you like. ‘’

‘’ No, you don’t, ‘’ Jonghyun acknowledged. ‘’ But you don’t have to look like you want to murder them either. ‘’

The line moved a bit, bringing their conversation to a brief halt so they could follow its movement.

‘’ Why are you pushing so hard for me to like him? ‘’ Minho observed as he finally stole a glance his friend’s way. ‘’ Is he your boyfriend or something? ‘’

Jonghyun’s surprise left him silent for a few seconds. And then all that left his mouth was a quiet _oh_.

Minho cocked an eyebrow, annoyed. ‘’ What? ‘’

The blonde looked straight into his friend’s eyes. ‘’ Are you scared he is going to steal your spot as the most important man in my life? ‘’

The question had accents of provocation, bait that was instantly caught by the 6-foot-tall fish.

‘’ I am not scared of anything. We’ve been best friends since our first year here and he’s just… ‘’

‘’ He’s just? ‘’ Jonghyun pressed when the other didn’t finish his sentence.

‘’ He’s just a fling. ‘’

Jonghyun was a little caught off guard by the assumption that had just been made, but he shrugged it off quickly.

‘’ You’re right. You’re still my main man, ‘’ he teased with a lopsided smile.

Minho shook his head at the other’s obvious diversion before bringing his focus to their surroundings.

‘’ Is it me or are there even more students than before? ‘’

‘’ No, I just think you haven’t eaten enough this morning, so you’re extra grumpy. ‘’

Minho glared at him as he struggled to keep his laughter in. ‘’ Maybe eating a blonde dwarf would help lighten my mood. ‘’

Jonghyun’s laughter immediately died. ‘’ I hope you end up sharing a room with Kibum. ‘’

‘’ Take that back, ‘’ Minho almost growled.

‘’ Nope. ‘’

Their eyes met, both their gazes filled with a desire to burn down the other. Instead, they ignored each other for the remainder of their time in the waiting line. It was only when they had everything they needed in their hands and their eyes fell on the room information sheet that conversation returned between them.

‘’ You fucking cursed me! ‘’ Minho all but shrieked as he stared at the name that was on his sheet.

‘’ What? ‘’ Jonghyun let out, confused.

‘’ I’m sharing a fucking room with fucking Kim Kibum! ‘’

The blonde’s eyes doubled in size. ‘’ Oh shit… ‘’

‘’ Yeah, oh shit! ‘’ Minho crumpled the paper with one hand. ‘’ I can’t. I’ll ask for a roommate swap, I don’t care. ‘’

‘’ You know they won’t allow that, ‘’ Jonghyun reminded, not without feeling sympathy for his friend. Even though he knew they didn’t really hate each other, having the same living space for a whole school year was a whole different ball game.

A whimper left his friend as he seemed to deflate like an air balloon. Jonghyun patted him gently on the back as he took a look at his own sheet.

‘’ Eh? ‘’ He let out as he saw his own roommate’s name.

‘’ What? ‘’

‘’ Do you know a Lee Jinki? ‘’ Jonghyun asked as he stared more intently at the same two words.

‘’ Not at all. ‘’

Looking up at his friend who looked as confused as he was, he voiced what was both on their minds.

‘’ Who the fuck is Lee Jinki? ‘’

***

Lee Jinki knew very well whose name was on his sheet. He had spent the last 20 minutes freaking out because of it and debating if he should head to their room or not. He had finally opted for the first option since being surrounded by a horde of students was even worse for him. He had always appreciated the tranquility of his room and had always had the chance to have a roommate that was pretty low-profile like him.

He couldn’t deny that sharing a room with the one and only Kim Jonghyun was an honor, but it was also the most terrifying thing ever. He was, like every other student in the school, in awe of the young man and his talents. Ever since he had heard him sing during their first year, he had been profoundly touched and knew he would never hear anything more beautiful in his life again.

They had never actually talked despite being in the same year, but Jinki had been in a few of his classes over the years. Whether it was during one of these periods, in the hallways or during special events at school, he had had multiple chances to be a secret witness to the earthly miracle that was the blonde’s voice. That instrument paired with the guitar he liked to carry around was simply a blessing like no other.

He had always been happy to be a silent admirer because he and Jonghyun weren’t part of the same worlds. He was the guy that never really talked to anyone and spent most of his free time in his room to write or have some downtime. Jonghyun was the guy that everyone knew and everyone wanted to be friends with. He was the life of the school alongside his closest friends whilst he was just a shadow that appeared on the walls.

Most of the time, he was comfortable with that because he knew there needed to be an order in the social ladder. Some worlds couldn’t meet and it was for the better. Now that they would be sharing a room…

Jonghyun would actually be seeing him. For a few moments during the day, they would share the same space and Jinki was definitely not comfortable with that. He liked how things were right now. It worked for him. He could just go about his routine without anyone bothering him or making him feel a certain type of way. 

The apprehension he felt accompanied him as he finally entered their room and closed the door behind him. He stilled before walking in any further, keeping an ear open for any sound that would indicate the other was already here. When he was answered with silence, he started moving again until he found the luggage that had been brought up upon their arrival.

Making sure his own seemed intact, he then walked into the hallway and glimpsed into each room he crossed, which were the two bedrooms, the bathroom and the laundry room. Soon after, he made his way back with his luggage in hand, which consisted of a small suitcase and a backpack, before entering the second bedroom that was on his path.

He didn’t worry too much of not waiting for the other to choose their rooms since they were identical. It was better if he just got on with settling comfortably in his living space so that later on, he could get back to the book that had captured all of his attention for the past few days.

As he started going through the contents of his backpack, he pulled out the said book and looked at it with a smile. Before he could be even more tempted to open it and get lost in the story again, he threw it on his bed and went on with his task.

It was a few minutes before he heard the front door opening and closing, making him still immediately in his movements. Footsteps followed and Jinki’s heart started thrumming inside his chest, not at all ready for the encounter that was about to happen. He suddenly wanted to disappear, but before he could figure out a way to do that, a knock was heard on his door.

‘’ Lee Jinki? ‘’ the voice called from outside his door, familiar but unsure.

The one in question swallowed hard against a now dry throat. On one hand, he wanted to get acquainted with him, but on the other, he just wanted to be ignored so he wouldn’t have to make a fool of himself.

Another knock made him jump slightly, pulling him out of his internal debate. Without letting himself think, he grabbed the knob, twisted and pulled the door open.

His heart flipped inside its cage as he looked into expressive hazel eyes.

‘’ Y-yes? ‘’ he managed to say despite the havoc the proximity between them was causing inside him.

‘’ So you’re the mysterious Lee Jinki, ‘’ Jonghyun considered as his eyes examined the evidence presented before him.

Jinki felt his face get hot from being scrutinized like that. ‘’ My-mysterious? ‘’ he echoed nonetheless, unaware of what the other meant.

An amused smile cracked the other’s lips as his eyes reached his again. ‘’ I would have to say so, yes, ‘’ he started before crossing his arms over his chest. ‘’ How come I’ve never heard of you or seen you before? ‘’

‘’ You’re not new, right? ‘’ the blonde quickly added as a frown creased his brow.

Jinki shook his head. ‘’ No, I’ve been here since the first year. ‘’

Surprised beyond words, Jonghyun’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open slightly. ‘’ You have some mad ninja skills then, ‘’ he then noted as his mind kept trying to find another instance where he might’ve seen the other.

Jinki wanted to laugh at the other’s reaction, but his still high levels of anxiety prevented him from relaxing enough to do so. ‘’ I just don’t attract a lot of attention to myself, that’s all. ‘’

Jonghyun stared at him some more, still confused and intrigued, before he snapped himself out of it.

‘’ Well nice to meet you, Lee Jinki. I’m Kim Jonghyun, ‘’ he said before bowing with his head.

Jinki instantly reciprocated the gesture. ‘’ I know who you are, ‘’ he then informed. ‘’ Everyone does. ‘’

That lightened the blonde’s face with a bright smile. ‘’ Ah, yeah… I guess so… ‘’

‘’ So what major are you in? ‘’ the latter asked as he watched the brunette make his way back to his stuff.

‘’ Literature, ‘’ Jinki answered as he opened a drawer and stuffed some folded shirts inside.

‘’ Oh, so you’re a writer, huh? ‘’

The brunette faced the blonde again, unsettled by his casual tone. ‘’ I’m sorry, but shouldn’t you start unpacking your things too? We have to be in the auditorium in an hour for the headmaster’s speech. ‘’ 

Jonghyun snorted. ‘’ Who fucking cares? It’s always the same damn speech. ‘’

Jinki stared at him, a little alarmed. ‘’ You’re not going? ‘’

The blonde rolled his eyes, already annoyed by the all the school’s formalities. ‘’ Yeah, yeah. I’ll be there, but will I listen? No. ‘’

That was enough to relax the taller one’s shoulders. ‘’ Better get moving then. ‘’

‘’ Jeez, there really is no rush, ‘’ Jonghyun pointed out, a little taken aback by the other’s pushy behaviour.

Watching the other go on with his sorting out as if he had already left, he cleared his throat.

‘’ Why don’t you help me with my luggage? ‘’ he proposed when the other finally looked at him again.

‘’ I brought hella stuff so they’re pretty heavy, ‘’ he continued as to plead his case.

‘’ I’m sure you’re stronger than me. ‘’

‘’ Probably… ‘’ Jonghyun acknowledged, still trying to figure out how to navigate the conversation.

‘’ But it’d go faster this way and I’d be sure to have done most of it before that _so_ important speech. ‘’

That stopped Jinki once more. ‘’ Okay, fine, ‘’ he accepted as their eyes met yet again.

Jonghyun finally moved away from the doorframe and lead the way back to the living room where all of his luggage still remained. A sigh left his lips as he suddenly realized he had probably overdone it. He always seemed to forget that most of their days were spent in uniforms, except for special days like today where they were allowed to arrive in their personal attire.

Without a word, the taller one grabbed one of the suitcases and made his way into the hallway, bringing Jonghyun to follow with another a few seconds later. It took them another trip to have everything in the first room the brunette had left for him.

‘’ Thank you, ‘’ Jonghyun said after dropping on his bed and looking up to the one standing a few inches away.

‘’ No problem, ‘’ Jinki simply answered before immediately turning on his heel.

But before he could leave the room, the other’s voice reached him again, making him freeze in his spot.

‘’ I hope we can get along, ‘’ the blonde said, smiling even though the gesture couldn’t be seen.

Jinki could still hear it in his tone though and the warmth it created in his body only made him beyond uncomfortable.

‘’ Don’t worry. I won’t get in your way, ‘’ he said before finally making his way out, unknowingly leaving a puzzled Jonghyun behind.

***


	2. Something in Common.

‘’ I don’t think he likes me, Minho, ‘’ Jonghyun realized as they walked out of the school’s gym.

‘’ And you care because? ‘’ the tall brunette threw back with a cocked brow.

‘’ It’s not that I _care_, ‘’ he rectified, ‘’ It’s that I don’t understand why he’s acting so cold towards me. ‘’

‘’ Again, why is that an issue? Just ignore the guy. We didn’t even know who the fuck he was till the beginning of this week, ‘’ Minho pointed out.

Jonghyun frowned, eyes set on his best friend’s profile. ‘’ Well he is my roommate now and I don’t want to feel uncomfortable around him. ‘’

Minho’s head turned, finding the smaller one’s eyes. And then it hit him. ‘’ Aaah, I see what’s going on, ‘’ he mused, smirk stretching the corners of his lips.

‘’ Eh? ‘’

The brunette chuckled as he saw the utter confusion on the blonde’s face. ‘’ You’re so used to everyone liking you that you can’t accept that someone might actually not like you. ‘’

Jonghyun’s eyes widened briefly before his growing frustration took the wheel. ‘’ Are you listening? ‘’ he immediately reproached. ‘’ I have done nothing to the guy so why wouldn’t he like me? ‘’

‘’ Are you even listening to yourself? ‘’ Minho retorted, put off by his friend’s logic.

A huffed sigh was all the answer he offered as they reached the dorms. The area was still very quiet since the two boys had gone to train an hour before sunrise, a habit they had picked up last year once they had realized their bi-weekly P.E. classes weren’t going to give them the physiques they wanted. Their discipline and hard work had indeed payed off, giving them both well-rounded muscular bodies.

‘’ I’m sure Kibum’s already hogged the bathroom by now, ‘’ Minho grumbled as they continued their walk down the hallway.

‘’ Have you ever thought of jumping in the shower with him? ‘’ Jonghyun proposed matter-of-factly.

Giving him an alarmed look, the brunette all but yelled, ‘’ Are you fucking nuts? ‘’

‘’ No, ‘’ Jonghyun answered calmly. ‘’ Just think about it. It would save water plus it could help you guys bond and make peace. ‘’

The blonde kept his laughter tightly locked in as he watched the other open and close his mouth like a fish out of the water.

But Minho soon regained his composure and gave him a taste of his own medicine. ‘’ Actually, that’s not a bad idea, Jjong. Why don’t you try it with Jinki? ‘’

The image only made the smaller one wince. ‘’ I’m pretty sure he’d cut off my dick and I’d very much like to keep it thank you. ‘’

‘’ Or maybe that would relax him, you know, you two under hot running water… ‘’

Minho cackled at his friend’s dumbfounded expression. ‘’ Like you said, great bonding experience. ‘’

‘’ We’re not an epic duo like you and Kibum, unfortunately, ‘’ Jonghyun swiftly spun.

Minho clicked his tongue, annoyed because he was unable to think of a good comeback at this point. They eventually reached the door to his dorm and he entered after a quick _bye_ slipped out of his mouth.

A few more steps brought Jonghyun to his own. A sudden feeling of nervousness settled in his stomach, but a quick mental kick was enough to bring him to open the door and enter. He was left no time to gear up and plan his next moves as his eyes instantly fell on his roommate sitting on the living room’s couch, laptop on his lap.

He watched as the brunette’s eyes darted up to settle on him for a brief second before they went back to his screen. Waiting a few more seconds for the other to at least say hello, he stayed still, but nothing came. Jonghyun sighed, but before he could let himself feel defeated and go on with his day, he decided to walk up to the brunette.

‘’ Good morning, ‘’ he said as energetically as he could, strings pulling at the corners of his mouth to support his words with a smile.

‘’ Good morning, ‘’ Jinki deadpanned, gaze unmoving.

A clench settled in the blonde’s jaw at what he felt was a total lack of manners.

‘’ What’s so important you can’t even look up to greet your roommate, huh? ‘’ he snapped before snatching the laptop from the other’s hold.

Before Jinki could protest, the blonde’s eyes found the screen’s content, his stomach churning with discomfort at the sight. He immediately regretted it.

‘’ I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, ‘’ he apologized as he handed back the device.

‘’ Well yeah, you shouldn’t have… ‘’ Jinki echoed, visibly distressed. ‘’ Are you that mad I didn’t say good morning? ‘’

Jonghyun recoiled into himself as he realized how childish he had been acting.

After a few seconds, he said, ‘’ Well I mean… it’d be nice… ‘’ He tilted his head downwards, making his bangs fall over his eyes. ‘’ I told you I’d like for us to get along… ‘’

Jinki’s eyes widened, his heart racing inside his chest despite his minds protests. ‘’ I didn’t think you really meant that… ‘’

Jonghyun looked up instantly and the surprise on the other’s features was all the answer he needed to believe him.

‘’ Why would I lie? ‘’ he asked, confused.

It was Jinki’s turn now to look away, leaving a moment of silence to settle uncomfortably between them.

‘’ It’s just that… you’re… Kim Jonghyun… ‘’ Jinki finally found the courage to say.

Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow. ‘’ And? ‘’

‘’ And that’s it, ‘’ Jinki instantly answered. ‘’ You don’t need to be talking to me.’’

Jonghyun frowned. ‘’ But I am, so can you please drop the cold act now? ‘’

‘’ I wasn’t acting cold… ‘’ Jinki slowly refuted.

‘’ Yes, you were. All week. And it was really annoying. ‘’

Jinki stared at him with a frozen expression. ‘’ A-annoying? ‘’

‘’ Yes, ‘’ Jonghyun reiterated before impulsively making his way to the couch and flopping down beside him.

‘’ Why are you looking at the Seoul Institute of the Arts’ website? ‘’ he asked as the thought came back to the forefront of his mind.

Jinki’s body stiffened at the sudden proximity between them. He hadn’t gone without noticing how nicely the white tank top the other was sporting hugged his upper body and now the distraction was even worse.

‘’ Cause that’s where I want to go next year, ‘’ he managed to share, despite his turmoil.

‘’ You already know? ‘’ Jonghyun exclaimed.

‘’ Yeah… it’s like the best arts university. Don’t you want to go there too? ‘’

The implication that was lodged in the other’s question made the blonde even more uncomfortable.

‘’ I don’t know… ‘’ he sighed as he hunched over his knees, elbows setting against them.

‘’ What do you mean? ‘’ Jinki asked before he could get scared enough not to.

Jonghyun took a deep breath, quietly debating on whether he should open up on the subject or not. But when he straightened and met the other’s worried eyes, he didn’t feel like he could hold back anymore.

‘’ I don’t know if I want to go to uni, ‘’ he quietly shared.

The brunette’s eyes widened for a few seconds before he regained control over his initial shock. ‘’ What would you do then? ‘’

Jonghyun stilled, the question catching him unaware. He had always been so focused on figuring out if he should go or not that he had never really thought of what he’d do if he didn’t.

‘’ Well… I don’t really know, but… All I’ve ever wanted to do was compose and sing so that’s what I’d do I guess… ‘’

‘’ I think that whatever you do … you’ll be successful. ‘’

Jonghyun’s eyes ran across Jinki’s face as surprise lightened his own, but all he could see there was truth.

‘’ For someone who was acting so cold, you sure do have a whole lot of faith in me. ‘’

‘’ I haven’t been hiding under a rock, ‘’ Jinki indicated. ‘’ I’ve heard you sing your stuff and it’s amazing, that’s all. ‘’

Jonghyun didn’t think the state of shock he was in right this instant could get any stronger.

‘’ Thank you, ‘’ he could only say.

Jinki slowly nodded. ‘’ You should probably take a shower now. Classes are about to start soon, ‘’ he conveniently reminded as he tried to keep his eyes off the other’s partly covered chest.

Jonghyun frowned again, unsettled by the constant twists and turns in the other’s behaviour.

‘’ Okay… ‘’ he complied nonetheless, getting up and heading towards the bathroom, unknowingly leaving a bothered Jinki behind.

***

Jinki had sincerely thought that Jonghyun would’ve gotten back to his senses and not bothered talking to him again, but every new day that passed proved him to be wrong. Jonghyun always initiated conversation, even if it was just to wish him a good day. Jinki still couldn’t help but feel awkward every time he was in the other’s presence, but he tried not to come off as cold like the other had so blatantly pointed out.

Nevertheless, the brunette was still on his guards. He knew himself too well. If he started becoming too excited by the prospect of being friendly with the blonde, he would be doomed. There was a reason the universe had kept them apart all this time and now, he had to tread lightly not to undo the order that clearly needed to be maintained.

Because Jinki wasn’t just afraid to be in the presence of the most popular person in the school. He was also afraid of his feelings for that said person. It had been something that had been boiling inside of him since the first time he had heard him sing. He had managed to convince himself at first that it was only pure admiration, but with each passing year, he had slowly accepted that it was deeper than that.

The fluttering of his heart and the lingering gazes he couldn’t help give out every time he had been in his presence had forced him to confront the nerve wracking and painful reality of his feelings for the other. He had tried to get rid of them to no avail. It seemed like his mind and his body had chosen that one man without his conscious consent and all he could do now was live with that choice knowing it would never be reciprocated.

It was one thing to read tragedies and see the beauty in them, but it was another to actually be living one. Because that’s how it felt to him; a tragedy. He had never had an easy time being comfortable around people and connecting with them and his untold preference was just making everything even more complicated.

Those were the thoughts that were once again going through his mind as he was lying down on his bed, eyes closed as the music going through his earphones blocked him from the rest of the world. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice the door opening. It was only when he felt the mattress sink that his eyes flew open in shock.

They immediately fell on the blonde who had just taken a comfortable sitting position before him, legs crossed and arms resting on his thighs. A sweet smile was dancing on his full lips, the sight making the brunette’s body burn up.

He immediately tore out the earphones from his ears after having hit the pause button and straightened so that his back rested against the bed’s headboard.

‘’ What are you doing? ‘’ he immediately asked, unable to hide the feeling of panic that had seized him.

A breathy laugh stumbled out of the blonde’s mouth, making Jinki even more tense.

‘’ Relax, ‘’ he said. ‘’ I just wanted to see what you were doing. ‘’

That did nothing to help the brunette relax. ‘’ Why? ‘’ he instantly inquired with a frown.

Jonghyun rolled his eyes at the other’s always present guardedness. ‘’ Why not? ‘’ he threw back with some defiance.

‘’ Because you have plenty of friends you can check up on, ‘’ Jinki squarely pointed out.

‘’ Well for your information, I don’t have plenty of friends, ‘’ the blonde rectified, feeling a little frustrated by the other’s dismissiveness.

‘’ You’re always hanging out with so many people, aren’t they your friends? ‘’ Jinki objected, confused.

‘’ No. They’re… ‘’ Jonghyun paused, thinking. ‘’ Acquaintances, ‘’ he found as he stared back at the brunette.

‘’ Huh… ‘’ Jinki pondered. ‘’ But still, you have friends you can check up on, ‘’ he reiterated before he looked back at his cellphone.

‘’ I don’t want to talk to them right now, ‘’ Jonghyun shared, his eyes also settling on the other’s phone.

‘’ Am I that much of a bother? ‘’ he sharply voiced.

Jinki looked up and was surprised once again by the anger he could read on the blonde’s face.

‘’ No, you’re not… ‘’ Jinki said, feeling his stomach churn with guilt. He didn’t want Jonghyun to be mad at him, but again, he couldn’t help but try to protect himself.

He put his phone on his nightstand and brought his attention back to the man in front of him. ‘’ So… what’s up? ‘’ he awkwardly asked, cringing internally as soon as the words left him.

Jonghyun’s sudden burst of laughter only added salt to the wound. ‘’ Is that how ninja school taught you to make small talk? ‘’

Jinki felt heat rush up to his cheeks as an acute sense of embarrassment trampled him. His eyes flicked downwards to his legs as he silently waited for the other to tell him how much of a loser he was.

But that insult never came.

‘’ I’m just messing with you, ‘’ Jonghyun reassured as he gave a light push on the other’s arm. He was unsettled by the glimpse of humanness he was seeing and became suddenly scared that the brunette would completely shut off on him because he had decided to make fun.

‘’ It’s fine. I know I’m not good at conversation, ‘’ Jinki acknowledged as he finally pulled himself out of the dark hole he had started to fall into.

‘’ It feels like you’re not really interested in having conversations in the first place, ‘’ Jonghyun noted.

Jinki sighed despite himself. ‘’ It’s not that… ‘’

Jonghyun naturally inched a little closer, waiting for the brunette to continue, but no other words left him.

‘’ What is it then? ‘’ he finally encouraged, genuinely curious to know more about the mysterious person before him.

Jinki still couldn’t answer right away. His eyes just stared at a blank spot as the imminent fear of opening up paralyzed him. No one had ever shown interest in him and now that someone was, it had to be the one who scared him the most.

He knew he was going to overstep the boundaries he had set for himself if he answered truthfully, but he also felt like he couldn’t lose this chance to get closer to the blonde or at least to have another honest conversation with him like they had had a few weeks ago.

‘’ Speaking to people… ‘’ He carefully started as his heart thrummed in his chest. ‘’ It… it scares me… ‘’

‘’ Oh, ‘’ Jonghyun expressed for lack of better words as he found himself astonished by the revelation. He had genuinely thought the other just didn’t care.

‘’ Well I can’t say I’m also dealing with that right now, but, during the first year here, it was very hard for me to approach others… ‘’ he shared. ‘’ I was intimidated by all these cool kids, ‘’ he went on with a small laugh. 

‘’ Yeah well you quickly became one of the cool kids when they saw how talented you were, ‘’ Jinki completed as a bite of resentment ate his core.

‘’ I honestly think part of it was chance. Like I’m not more talented than most people in this school. It’s just that I became friends with one kid that was super confident and then he introduced me to other people and so on and so forth… ‘’

‘’ That’s bullshit. ‘’

‘’ Excuse me? ‘’

Jinki watched as confusion and anger came together to twist the blonde’s expression into a scowl.

‘’ There wasn’t any chance in what happened. You’re definitely unmatched talent-wise, it was just natural that you’d shine so much. It was bound to happen, ‘’ he explained with a passion he rarely exhibited.

‘’ You know there are like four majors, right? ‘’ Jonghyun brought forth. ‘’ And there are brilliant people in all of them. ‘’

‘’ Yes, I know there is. I still stand by what I just said, ‘’ Jinki replied emphatically.

Jonghyun fell silent for a few seconds, dumbfounded once again by the other’s strong opinion about him.

‘’ What about you though? ‘’ he flipped to get the attention off him and to further satiate his growing curiosity about his roommate.

‘’ What about me? ‘’

‘’ You spend so much time reading and writing stuff down that I’m sure you’re pretty talented yourself. ‘’

‘’ That doesn’t mean anything. ‘’

Jonghyun frowned. ‘’ Well hasn’t anyone told you so? ‘’

The other shrugged. ‘’ Teachers have said good things, but it doesn’t really matter. ‘’

‘’ Why not? ‘’

‘’ Because I usually come to despise what I create, ‘’ Jinki quietly admitted as his chest tightened.

‘’ Well that makes two of us. ‘’

The brunette’s gaze travelled back to his, his dark eyes shining with surprise. ‘’ You don’t like your compositions? ‘’

Jonghyun shook his head. ‘’ Most of the time, no. But people seem to enjoy what I come up with so that’s what keeps me from just throwing them away. ‘’

Jinki stayed silent, too stunned to respond.

The blonde broke the ice again with another laugh. ‘’ See? We actually have something in common. ‘’

Jinki held back his impulse to disagree and simply looked back at the other in awe, feeling himself fall even harder for him.

***


	3. Something Different.

_If I tell you everything that is in my heart, how would you respond?_

_Would you even try to understand or would you act like nothing had been said?_

_Was there ever a time when our two hearts came together to beat at the same time?_

_Was there even a chance that the ink on my paper went further than my mind’s fever? _

_Those are the questions I ask myself when I look at those flowers you like so much._

_The ones that close up during the day but find space to grow and come alive during the night. _

_I wish I were them so I could just be and get your love, but I’m human and being is never quite enough._

_Will I ever tell you everything that is in my heart?_

_I don’t think so, but maybe one night when we look at the flowers together, I’ll tell you how nice it is_

_To just have our hearts beating besides one another. _

Jonghyun didn’t know how much time he spent staring at the last line, but when he looked up again, it felt like his mind had just come out of a dream. It took him a while to shake himself out of it and get back to reality, only then noticing that he was the only student left in the library.

His eyes went to the big clock on the wall a few meters away before widening as soon as he saw the time. It was almost time for dinner which meant he had spent the last two hours reading without even realizing it. What he had read had definitely pulled him in and now left him with a myriad of emotions to deal with. 

Giving a last look to the page he had been reading, he closed the booklet and stacked it on the other ones he had brought. He finally started walking, his pace slow and a little awkward as his mind was still being pulled back to the words the other had so beautifully woven together.

It was only when he found himself in the main hallway again, suddenly surrounded by a horde of students making their way to the cafeteria, that he had no choice but to remember that he was Kim Jonghyun and not just a chain of thoughts. All along the way, his peers greeted him, forcing him to be polite and return those useless bouts of talking.

He was just about to finally make his way out of the human jungle when he was stopped in his tracks by someone suddenly hugging him from the back. A quick look down towards the person’s hands erased all the grumpiness that had been building up inside him.

‘’ Tae, ‘’ he warmly greeted as he turned around to face him.

‘’ Hyung, ‘’ the younger one echoed with a smile as a bright as the sun.

‘’ I haven’t seen you around much. Where were you hiding? ‘’ he then asked.

‘’ Aaah… nowhere, ‘’ Jonghyun answered, a little embarrassed. ‘’ I guess I’ve just been staying in my room more… ‘’

‘’ Are you working on new songs? ‘’ Taemin inquired excitedly.

‘’ Um…. Yeah… ‘’ Jonghyun answered right away to save face.

It wasn’t a complete lie, he had been trying to write new songs, but it hadn’t worked out so well the few times he had tried. It seemed like he had too much on his mind these days for it to leave space for him to create.

‘’ I can’t wait to hear them, ‘’ the brunette exclaimed, beaming. ‘’ I’d really like to dance to one of your songs someday. ‘’

Jonghyun smiled. ‘’ It would be my honor, really. ‘’

The younger one returned the smile, the light blush painting his cheeks betraying the effect of the other’s words on him.

‘’ Are you heading down to the cafeteria? ‘’ Taemin asked .

‘’ Yeah, I just have to put these back in my room, ‘’ the blonde indicated as he pointed towards the booklets.

‘’ I can wait here for you, so we can walk together, ‘’ he offered.

‘’ Yeah sure, I’ll be right back, ‘’ Jonghyun said before turning on his heel.

It was only a few seconds before he was finally in the dorm, heading straight to his room to hide what he had in hand. He almost felt like a criminal trying to smuggle some drugs as he tried to move without making a sound and looked around a few times before he finally disposed his hand’s contents in the second shelf of his nightstand.

He made his way back out with relief, closing the door behind him right after. Apart from the sound of his own movements, no other sound could be caught by his ear, making him think that the other had probably already left to go eat.

A frown drew itself over his eyes as he suddenly realized he had never actually seen him in the cafeteria either. Deciding that he would try to locate him amidst the mass of students this time, he started walking towards the front door, but a loud thump and a groaning sound stilled him in his tracks.

He kept an ear open to catch the sounds that would follow but heard nothing. When that silence dragged further on, his instincts kicked in, pumping adrenaline through his veins. He rushed to the other’s room and immediately knocked.

‘’ Jinki? ‘’ he almost yelled, panicked. 

‘’ Um… yeah… give me a sec, ‘’ the other answered after a few more seconds.

Jonghyun was tempted to try to push the door open, but he knew invading the other’s space was a) disrespectful and b) would do no good to build up their roommate relationship.

It felt like an eternity before the other finally opened the door.

‘’ What? ‘’ Jinki asked breathily as he faced him, hand still on the knob.

‘’ What do you mean _what_? It sounded like you hurt yourself, so I came to check up on you, ‘’ Jonghyun explained, not failing to notice the other’s dishevelled look.

‘’ Are you okay? ‘’ he inquired, voice ringing with worry.

‘’ Yeah, I’m fine. I just dropped something on my foot that’s all, ‘’ the brunette reassured nonchalantly.

‘’ Ah… okay, ‘’ Jonghyun acknowledged. Something in the other’s demeanour made him think that there was more to that story, but he decided to drop it for now.

‘’ Aren’t you going to eat? ‘’ he went on inquisitively.

‘’ Um... no… not now. ‘’

The unease that weighed these words left Jonghyun perplexed. ‘’ But you are going to eat right? ‘’

‘’ Yes, I always do. ‘’

That answer brought Jonghyun back to his earlier realization, making him frown again.

‘’ So how come I’ve never seen you in the cafeteria, yet? ‘’

‘’ Maybe cause you’re busy talking with your friends, ‘’ Jinki squarely pointed out.

But that didn’t faze Jonghyun. ‘’ Is that really it though? ‘’

The blonde stopped himself from smirking as he noticed the flash of discomfort on the taller one’s face. He didn’t know why he was so hellbent on breaking the other’s walls, but there was definitely something satisfying in seeing through the cracks.

‘’ No, ‘’ Jinki sighed. ‘’ I just go to eat a little later when there are less people around, ‘’ he admitted, eyes avoiding the smaller one’s.

‘’ Oh, ‘’ Jonghyun let out quietly as the information sunk in. It brought him back to the conversation they had had in the brunette’s room and he suddenly felt himself invested with the need to help the latter.

‘’ Why don’t you come with me? ‘’ he proposed without further thought, making the other’s eyes double in size.

‘’ What? ‘’

‘’ You heard me, ‘’ Jonghyun replied. ‘’ I’d love to have you at our table. ‘’

Jinki’s mouth opened slightly, but no one words came out. His mind was screaming for him to say no, but everything else inside him was aching for him to say yes.

‘’ O-okay… ‘’ he finally answered after letting his inner battle run its course.

‘’ I just have to wash up a bit and I’ll be right there, ‘’ he indicated with more assurance to his voice.

‘’ Sure. No prob, ‘’ Jonghyun uttered with a smile.

The brunette didn’t return it, opting instead to quickly disappear inside the bathroom. Jonghyun shook his head at that, smile still dancing on his lips as he found himself amused by the other’s unusual behaviour.

He was actually really glad Jinki had accepted to tag along. For some reason, he had started getting bored of the usual dynamics of his group and had been in dire need of something different. And Jinki was definitely something different.

Before he could start getting impatient, Jinki reappeared before him, his hair in place like it usually was.

‘’ Let’s go, ‘’ the latter said despite the nervousness that spread through him.

Jonghyun grinned before leading the way. They soon were back in the hallway, the blonde’s eyes lighting with surprise as soon they fell on Taemin again. He had completely forgotten that the latter had been waiting for him. He could see the confused expression on the brunette’s face as they approached him, but he just smiled.

‘’ Hey Tae, this is my roommate, Jinki, ‘’ Jonghyun introduced as soon they stopped before him.

‘’ And Jinki, this is Taemin, a friend, ‘’ he went on immediately, gaze travelling between the two of them.

The younger one bowed first. ‘’ Nice to meet you, ‘’ he politely uttered.

‘’ Nice to meet you too, ‘’ Jinki echoed with a bow of his own.

As soon as they both straightened up, Jonghyun gestured for them to start moving, the hollowness in his stomach suddenly making him impatient. Taemin was soon beside him while Jinki stayed close behind. Jonghyun was tempted to turn around and ask him to keep up with their pace, but he knew it was good enough that Jinki was actually following.

‘’ Hyung. ‘’

Jonghyun turned his head to give his attention to the voice’s owner. ‘’ Hmm? ‘’

‘’ First-term exams are coming up so I figured that you’d need my help soon, ‘’ Taemin brought up, voice smooth and slow.

‘’ Oh right, ‘’ Jonghyun suddenly realized, chest tightening at the thought. He lost himself for a while in it before the younger one snapped him back to attention.

‘’ Does that mean yes? ‘’

‘’ Uh yeah sure, ‘’ Jonghyun answered as he pulled himself back together.

‘’ You know I can’t do it without you, ‘’ he went on with the suave tone that always coated his words whenever the other was around. 

Taemin simpered before biting his lip, looking downwards to escape the blonde’s gaze. The latter used that break in conversation to give a quick look behind. He felt relieved when he saw Jinki still there but couldn’t help but frown as he noticed his tense demeanour.

Shoulders drawn up almost to his ears and eyes to the ground, he looked like he was trying to shield himself from some kind of danger. Jonghyun knew too well what that danger was. It was all around them, making noise and filling up the space. He wasn’t much of a fan of crowds so he couldn’t even imagine how the other felt right at this moment.

He looked ahead again, silently giving the brunette some encouraging words in his mind. Fortunately, it wasn’t long before they were walking into their cafeteria and getting in line to get their food. During that time, Taemin proceeded to tell Jonghyun how much he hated one of his dance teachers and how the thought of burning his brittle hair had invaded his mind too many times already.

That whole rant had Jonghyun bent over with laughter, not minding the attention he was attracting on himself.

‘’ Please don’t do it, ‘’ he playfully reasoned, the relents of his laughter vibrating through his words.

‘’ I can’t promise that, hyung, ‘’ Taemin replied, chortling.

Their bantering exchange went on until they had their trays of food in hand and Taemin had to leave them to join his own group of friends. Jonghyun watched in amusement as the brunette almost ran towards them before he moved his gaze back towards the one that was now by his side.

‘’ Are you okay, Jinki? ‘’ he verified as he remembered how scared the other had looked a few moments earlier.

‘’ Yeah… ‘’

The answer was far from convincing and the unease he glimpsed at in the other’s eyes said everything, but there was no turning back now. 

‘’ Come, ‘’ Jonghyun simply said before he started walking again.

The table he usually sat at with his friends wasn’t too far, but as they made their way towards it, he couldn’t help but notice the weird looks some of their peers were giving them. He knew exactly why, but it didn’t faze him one bit. He did look at Jinki again just to make sure he still had it under control, and he was pleased to see him looking ahead as if no one else was around them.

It was only a few more seconds before they finally reached their destination, Jonghyun immediately gesturing to his friends to make some space as they stood before them. They did, but not without exchanging confused glances among themselves first.

Seeing that, the blonde was tempted to just have Jinki there without making introductions, but he didn’t want to make the other even more uncomfortable. He put his tray down and sat, waiting for Jinki to do the same before he spoke.

Once the brunette had taken seat to his left, he proceeded.

‘’ Guys, this is Jinki, my roommate, ‘’ he filled in as he looked them square in the eye.

‘’ Nice to meet you, Jinki, ‘’ they said, their voices almost falling in sync. He saw that Minho’s lips hadn’t moved but decided not to linger on it. 

‘’ And Jinki, this is Young Bae, Junki, Jong Suk, Jaehwan and Minho. ‘’ The emphasis he put on his best friend’s name didn’t go unnoticed by the latter, a frown darkening his features as their eyes met.

‘’ Nice to meet you all, ‘’ Jinki quietly said, bowing his head.

With the introductions behind them, the boys went back to their meals and to the previous conversation they were having right before.

‘’ So Minho… Are you and Kibum going to practice tonight? ‘’ Jong Suk teased, bringing all the boys around the table to burst out laughing.

‘’ The only thing I’ll be practicing is my right hook on your face if you don’t stop, ‘’ Minho retorted as his eyes threw daggers at the one who had just spoken.

Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow as the other boys snickered. ‘’ What’s that about? ‘’

‘’ You’re about to hear a really good one, Jjong, ‘’ Young Bae indicated, his eyes bright with amusement.

‘’ Shall we tell him or…? ‘’ he then asked the disgruntled brunette.

‘’ Whatever, man, ‘’ Minho muttered through a mouthful of meat and rice.

‘’ Can y’all just tell me what’s going on? ‘’ Jonghyun pressed, frowning.

‘’ Okay, okay, ‘’ Jong Suk complied all too enthusiastically. ‘’ So, you know this year’s big play in our program is Romeo and Juliette, right? ‘’

‘’ Yeah… ‘’

‘’ Well, our charming prince Minho here got cast as Romeo, ‘’ he informed with an exhilarated expression as the others were nearly bent in half over the table, still laughing.

‘’ Yaaah, ‘’ Jonghyun whined as he watched his friends. ‘’ What’s so funny? Shouldn’t we be happy for Ming? ‘’

‘’ Oh, we are, ‘’ Jaehwan uttered mischievously before cracking up again, using Junki’s shoulder for support.

Despite his own laughing fit, the latter managed to deliver the most important part of the story.

‘’ And Kibum got cast as Juliette. ‘’

Jonghyun’s eyes doubled size as an explosion of rowdy laughter took over the table.

‘’ The fuck? ‘’ he let out as he stared at his best friend. ‘’ Are they for real? ‘’ he asked as his eyes searched his tense face.

‘’ Unfortunately, yes, ‘’ the brunette sighed heavily. ‘’ I can’t believe we’re even in this situation… ‘’

‘’ Yeah, it’s-

‘’ How the fuck can Kibum be cast in a female role? ‘’ he sharply interjected as the fire inside him grew stronger.

‘’ Well that has happened a lot of times before in theater. ‘’

The table suddenly fell silent as they all looked at the one who had just spoken.

‘’ Excuse me? ‘’ Minho said, scowling.

Jinki froze once he noticed all the attention was on him.

‘’ A-all I was saying is that it’s no so weird for a man to be cast in a female role, ‘’ he finally managed to answer by focusing his gaze on his plate of food.

‘’ Hmm, it’s funny cause I don’t remember you being in the theater program, ‘’ Minho pointed out, voice dripping with derision.

Jinki lowered his head even more, the crushing sense of humiliation that was spreading through him making him want to disappear.

‘’ He doesn’t need to be in the theater program to have knowledge about theater, you dumbass, ‘’ Jonghyun replied in his stead.

Jinki gave a quick glance his way at the sound of his blunt tone, noticing the clench in his jaw. Before he could fear what would happen next, one of the other boys stepped in.

‘’ Well whether it’s happened before or not really doesn’t matter, ‘’ Jong Suk said. ‘’ I’m just happy we’ll get to witness Minho being all romantic to Kibum. ‘’

‘’ That’s not going to happen. I will go talk to Mr. Park again and tell him to change Kibum’s role, ‘’ Minho stated categorically.

Jonghyun rolled his eyes as the others went on cracking jokes to infuriate their friend even more. He used that moment to look at Jinki again, embarrassed by what had just happened.

He felt his chest tighten as he saw that the other had completely recoiled upon himself. Without thinking about it, he extended a hand and put it on his thigh.

He felt Jinki jump slightly at his touch before the latter looked up to meet his eyes.

‘’ Are you okay? ‘’ Jonghyun quietly asked.

‘’ Y-yeah… ‘’ Jinki stuttered as his gaze moved to zero in on the blonde’s hand.

‘’ I think I should go now, ‘’ he quickly added.

Not letting the other any time to react, he stood, picked up his tray full of food and walked away.

Jonghyun stayed there, gawking, following him with his eyes until he couldn’t anymore. When he turned back again, all eyes were on him.

‘’ Why did he leave? ‘’ Jaehwan inquired with surprise.

‘’ Cause someone at this table is a fucking jackass, ‘’ he snarled as anger overthrew everything else.

All four other boys instantly looked at Minho.

The latter cocked an eyebrow in response. ‘’ I hope you are not serious right now. ‘’

‘’ Oh, I’m more than serious, ‘’ the blonde threw back, voice as sharp as a knife.

‘’ I don’t need to feel bad for anything, ‘’ Minho established right off the bat. ‘’ The real issue here is that you brought this nerd to our table. ‘’

Their friends’ eyes travelled back to Jonghyun, waiting in anticipation and fear for how he was going to respond.

But nothing came. All they saw were the daggers his eyes shot at the brunette.

‘’ What’s that about, huh? ‘’ Minho went on nonetheless. ‘’ I don’t want to believe you want to be friends with that guy so is this some charity work? ‘’

The taunting tone only added fuel to Jonghyun’s internal fire, making his fist itch to put his best friend in his place.

‘’ Come on, Ming… ‘’ Young Bae intervened, wishing to temper the tension that was presently holding them in a chokehold.

‘’ Don’t act like you don’t all agree with me, ‘’ Minho persisted anyways.

That was enough for Jonghyun. He did just like his roommate had done a few minutes before and left the table without another word.

Once he had gotten rid of his tray, he found himself rushing back to their room, his body now animated with something else than anger.

As soon as he was back in, he went straight to the other’s door and knocked, desperately hoping that he was there.

It was a few seconds before he heard movement from inside and the sound of footsteps. The door finally opened and Jonghyun found himself sighing of relief once Jinki came into his sight.

But that feeling was short-lived. The sorrow that painted the brunette’s features brought back up all the guilt he had previously experienced.

‘’ Jinki… I… ‘’

The rest of his words died in his throat as the other turned around and walked back to his bed, leaving him alone in front of the doorframe. He stared at him for a few seconds, unsure what to do before he found the courage to get closer.

Soon, he was sitting right beside him again, this time at the edge of his mattress.

‘’ I’m so sorry, Jinki, ‘’ he instantly apologized. ‘’ I would’ve never asked you to join us if I knew Minho was going to be such a jerk. ‘’

‘’ No need to apologize. I should’ve just been content with being there, but I just had to open my mouth and ruin things again. ‘’

‘’ You didn’t ruin anything, ‘’ Jonghyun immediately countered, not suffering the other’s reaction.

‘’ Minho’s the one who did with his foul mood. ‘’

Jinki looked up at him, his expression softer than before. ‘’ Is he… always like that? ‘’ he inquired.

‘’ No, he isn’t or else I wouldn’t call him my best friend, ‘’ Jonghyun replied. ‘’ It’s just that whenever something involves Kibum, he becomes a totally different person. ‘’

‘’ Why? ‘’ Jinki asked, curious.

Jonghyun snorted. ‘’ Well if you ask him, he’ll tell you that the guy is insufferable and does everything to make his life a living hell, but if you ask me, I’ll tell you that I think he actually _likes _Kibum. A lot. ‘’

Jinki tilted his head a bit, confused. ‘’ You mean like as… ‘’

‘’ Like as in _gay_ like, ‘’ Jonghyun clarified.

‘’ Oh… ‘’ the brunette let out as heat rushed to his cheeks.

‘’ I just wish he could admit it to himself, so he’d stop being so hateful every 3 seconds, ‘’ the blonde sighed, irritated.

‘’ You… you wouldn’t mind? ‘’ Jinki asked, tone careful.

The other frowned. ‘’ Mind what? ‘’

‘’ That your best friend could be gay… ‘’

‘’ Of course not, ‘’ Jonghyun settled on the spot. ‘’ He can like whoever he wants. ‘’

Jinki couldn’t help but stare at him in awe. ‘’ It’s nice to hear someone being so open. ‘’

‘’ I know we live in a world full of hate, so I don’t want to add to that. I just want to live and let live. ‘’

Silence nestled between them right after, giving Jonghyun time to soak in the fact that Jinki seemed just a bit more at ease in this instant. 

‘’ Thank you, Jonghyun, ‘’ Jinki said after a while, eyes finding his again.

‘’ For? ‘’

‘’ For asking me to tag along, ‘’ he specified. ‘’ But I don’t want you take pity on me, I’m used to being on my own, it’s fine. ‘’

‘’ I wasn’t taking pity on you, ‘’ Jonghyun refuted right away before realizing it wasn’t totally true.

‘’ Well, okay, I did want to help you… have more social interactions, ‘’ he clumsily explained. ‘’ But only because I think you are great, and that people should get to know you. ‘’

A glint of surprise sparked the brunette’s gaze before a frown darkened his face. ‘’ Because I’m great? ‘’

‘’ Yes, you are. ‘’

‘’ We barely know each other. How can you say that? ‘’

Jonghyun returned the frown, hurt by the other’s words. ‘’ Well I guess I don’t know you like that, but I don’t open up to many people. Actually, I only do with one person, so that means that you’re not like everyone else. ‘’

Jinki’s brow cocked. ‘’ So, I’m great cause you can confide in me? ‘’

‘’ Yah, you’re making it sound bad, ‘’ Jonghyun complained before going on. ‘’ What I mean is that something about you can make others feel comfortable and at ease. ‘’

‘’ I don’t think anyone else would agree with that, but if that’s what you think then… I’m grateful, ‘’ Jinki voiced honestly.

‘’ Well I did have to be persistent to even have conversations with you that’s for sure, ‘’ Jonghyun half-stated, half-teased.

‘’ I don’t know why you are so persistent actually… ‘’

‘’ Hm, ‘’ Jonghyun pondered. ‘’ I’m not sure myself, but I just really wanted us to get along since you’re my roommate and all. ‘’

‘’ I think we could say it’s working out well, no? ‘’ he then added with a knowing smile as he gave the other a light nudge with his elbow.

A gentle smile crept across Jinki’s face.

‘’ I guess so. ‘’

***

Jinki didn’t know what to think or do anymore. The past few weeks had been filled with instances during which Jonghyun would spend time with him and not just in their room, but also in the hallways while they were each making their way to classes or in the cafeteria whenever Jonghyun decided that he wanted them to eat together. The latter hadn’t tried to bring him back to his friends’ table ever since the incident, even though he had gotten apologies from Minho himself a week later (which he of course knew was Jonghyun’s doing). Jinki was actually happy to instead have the blonde all to himself a few times a week during eating hours. During those times, Jinki found himself becoming more comfortable despite all the students around them. He could see the looks some gave them every time, but he slowly started not caring about that.

Not when the most attractive, interesting and talented person in the school was sitting across from him and talking about anything and everything with him. He had gotten to learn quite a lot about him through these conversations, notably that his childhood dream had actually been to be a writer and that he still enjoyed reading a lot and writing, but mostly song writing. Jinki had been pleased to know that they shared some favorite authors such as Allen Poe and Murakami. He was also grateful to learn little details about him like his love for rainy days, candles and puppies.

He loved that he knew so much about the young man he liked so much, but he was also utterly terrified that this was just some big joke or that if it wasn’t, that the other would lose interest and not talk to him anymore. Jinki had always felt quite uninteresting and being around someone who was so colorful in every sense of the way made him feel that much more inadequate.

Despite his always present insecurities, he didn’t want to let go of what they had. The other’s presence in his life was the highlight of his days. It made him feel lighter, safer but also happier. It was the best gift he could’ve ever had and even if it was taken from him some day, he would enjoy it to the fullest while it lasted.

That is why he didn’t mind when he heard a knock at his door past midnight that night. He had gotten to know during one of their conversations that Jonghyun had trouble sleeping often and upon feeling his distress, had offered to keep him company if he ever felt like he needed it. The other had dismissed it with a laugh and a _‘’ It’s fine, really, ‘’_ but Jinki hadn’t bought it.

And the sudden interruption in his sleeping time was confirmation of that. Rubbing some sleep out of his eyes, Jinki straightened up to his feet, slowly walked to his door and opened it before going back to his bed to settle his sleepy self on his mattress. He fought with the urge to lie down and instead pushed himself up so that his back was resting on the headboard to at least have some support.

By the time he made himself comfortable, Jonghyun was on his bed too, cross-legged across him as he once had been a few weeks back.

Jinki waited for Jonghyun to say something, but all he did was pick at a loose thread of his top sheet. The darkness of the room didn’t help him read the other’s expression, but he could sense his anguish. He couldn’t not feel it when he knew that feeling so well.

‘’ What’s going on, Jjong? ‘’ he asked, worried.

It was a while again before anything else was said until the blonde sighed.

‘’ I’m really sorry to bother you, but… I… can’t sleep… ‘’

Jinki could feel the heaviness in his tone and suddenly felt scared to ask more, but he knew Jonghyun had come here for a reason.

‘’ What’s keeping you up this time? ‘’

Another sigh left the blonde’s mouth.

‘’ I don’t know… it’s just… ‘’ He ruffled his hair in frustration. ‘’ It’s been worse lately… ‘’

Jinki pondered his words as he kept looking at him with worry. ‘’ Is it because of classes or something? ‘’ he tried, unsure.

Jonghyun finally looked up, gaze still. ‘’ Maybe… ‘’ he started. ‘’ I guess I’ve been thinking about my grades a lot lately. ‘’

‘’ Weren’t you studying a lot with that friend of yours? ‘’

‘’ Yeah and it did help, but I don’t know what happened during exam week… ‘’ Jonghyun paused, eyes dropping to the bed again. ‘’ It was like I was too overwhelmed… ‘’

‘’ Oh, ‘’ Jinki let out, both surprised and pained. ‘’ Did you fail any exams? ‘’

‘’ No, I didn’t, but still my grades aren’t that great… ‘’

‘’ Well I mean it’s good that you didn’t fail, ‘’ Jinki pointed out.

‘’ It’d be good if I wasn’t considering going to uni now… ‘’ Jonghyun shared, voice almost down to a whisper.

Jinki’s eyes widened. ‘’ You want to go? ‘’ he exclaimed in the quiet of the room.

‘’ I think so yeah… ‘’

‘’ What changed your mind? ‘’ the brunette asked, curious.

‘’ Well after talking about it with you back then, I realized that things wouldn’t be that easy if I just stopped going to school. Like it would take a while for me to get my career going and that would either mean living at home during that whole process and if not, it would mean that I’d have to work like crazy to afford my own place and then I wouldn’t have so much time to create… ‘’

‘’ Why can't you just stay at home while you're figuring things out? ‘’

Jonghyun snorted. '' Cause my mom is insufferable most of the time. And with her new boyfriend, things are just even worse now. When they wouldn’t be too busy being in their own world, they'd pester me about doing something valuable with my life. ''

‘’ Music is something valuable, ‘’ Jinki immediately countered.

‘’ Well they don’t share that opinion, ‘’ Jonghyun informed. ‘’ I had to fight with all my might so that my mom would let me go here. She's still hoping I can go to a law school or a medical school for uni. ‘’ Snorting, he added, ‘’ As if that could ever happen… ‘’

‘’ Oh damn... That sucks, ‘’ Jinki said. ‘’ I mean that your mom’s not supportive of your passion, ‘’ he quickly went on to avoid any misunderstandings.

‘’ Yeah, well it’s nothing new… ‘’ Jonghyun replied, tone resigned.

‘’ Your family's not like that? ‘’ he then asked as he locked eyes with the other.

‘’ Nope. They're the opposite actually... ‘’

‘’ Waah... That must be so nice. ‘’

‘’ Well, yeah, I guess it is... ‘’

‘’ But? ‘’ Jonghyun sensed as the other’s gaze dropped.

Jinki sighed. ‘’ But it's also hard living in their shadow. ‘’

‘’ Eh? ‘’ Jonghyun let out, confused.

‘’ They are writers too. Successful writers. ‘’

‘’ Oh damn. Who are they? ‘’

‘’ Lee Jinsun and Lee Eunsook, ‘’ Jinki almost muttered, shy.

Jonghyun’s eyes doubled in size instantly. ‘’ Your mother wrote _Crimson_?? ‘’

The brunette’s expression then also brightened with surprise. ‘’ You read that? ‘’

‘’ Don’t look so shocked. I told you I read a lot, ‘’ Jonghyun said, a little offended. ‘’ And yes. I love that book. ‘’

‘’ So do I, ‘’ Jinki echoed. ‘’ Everything they write is brilliant. ‘’

His sullen tone had Jonghyun quiet for a second.

‘’ Their success doesn't have to undermine yours, ‘’ the latter said all too seriously.

‘’ I know, but it just feels like I'll never be as talented as them. ‘’

Before Jonghyun could reassure him again, he went on. ‘’ I’ve loved reading and writing since I was young and they always encouraged me to nurture that passion which is why they pretty much insisted I go to this school, but I just feel like I'll disappoint them at some point. ‘’

‘’ Well, if it means anything, ‘’ the blonde slowly started. ‘’ I don't see any reason for you to worry. ‘’

‘’ You're just saying that, ‘’ Jinki immediately dismissed.

‘’ No, ‘’ Jonghyun countered before stopping himself, quietly weighing the pros and the cons of going through with what he had wanted to say for a long while now.

‘’ So how can you know? ‘’ Jinki asked, frowning.

‘’ Because, ‘’ Jonghyun began once more, feeling his body tense with apprehension. ‘’ I’ve read your stuff, ‘’ he finally shared.

‘’ What? ‘’ Jinki all but yelled, eyes wide.

‘’ I was curious so I searched and found out that your program published a booklet every year with some of the students’ works, ‘’ Jonghyun explained.

‘’I was more than happy to see that you were in it for every edition, ‘’ he then said, the ghost of a smile dancing on lips.

The room fell silent right after as a dumbfounded Jinki tried to process the information he had just been given. His main instinct was to drop to the floor and hide under the bed, but then again, he was too stunned to even move a finger.

‘’ Jinki, ‘’ Jonghyun softly called out, concerned.

When the brunette didn’t show any sign of life, he extended a hand and put it over his. He felt a slight twitch at his touch, but didn’t break contact.

‘’ I was confident you were very talented and I wasn’t disappointed, ‘’ Jonghyun said. ‘’ In fact, I’ve been haunted by some of your lines for weeks now. ‘’

Jinki couldn’t help but move his gaze to his again at that. ‘’ Really? ‘’

‘’ Yes, ‘’ Jonghyun assured with a full smile. ‘’ It even helped me get inspired for my composition test, so thank you for helping me keep one of my only excellent grades, ‘’ he continued with a soft laugh.

The brunette still was at a loss for words.

‘’ Yah, Jinki! ‘’ the blonde uttered more loudly. ‘’ Say something, please. If you’re mad, I unders-

‘’ I’m not mad, ‘’ Jinki interjected, finally getting a grip over himself.

The other’s shoulders slumped down in relief. ‘’ I’m glad. I was scared that you would be, that’s why I didn’t tell you. ‘’

‘’ Well, I mean, our booklets are made available for everyone to read so you had every right to, I just didn’t think you’d be so interested to actually seek out my writings, ‘’ Jinki voiced bashfully.

Jonghyun squeezed his hand. ‘’ You need to have a little more faith in yourself. ‘’

‘’ I guess… ‘’

The blonde shook his head at the other’s lack of self-confidence before pulling back a bit.

‘’ I would’ve never guessed you were such a romantic though, ‘’ he then teased to lighten the mood.

‘’ What? ‘’

‘’ Your poems, ‘’ Jonghyun answered. ‘’ They’re mainly about longing and love. ‘’

‘’ Has anyone stolen your heart, Lee Jinki? ‘’ he followed up, wiggling his brows suggestively.

‘’ No, ‘’ Jinki immediately replied as his heart jumped inside his chest.

‘’ Aaah, that’s too bad, ‘’ Jonghyun grumbled playfully.

‘’ I’d be very curious to know what kind of person can make your heart flutter, ‘’ he added with a sly smile.

Jinki answered with silence again, petrified beyond words.

‘’ It’s fine, you don’t have to tell me now, ‘’ the blonde reassured, chuckling.

‘’ Anyways, thank you so much for being there for me, Jinki. It means a lot, ‘’ the latter uttered earnestly before moving on the bed and wrapping his arms tightly around the other.

Jinki tensed up, not moving an inch for a few seconds before the blonde’s warmth melted his frozen state. He hugged him back just as tight, relishing that closeness that he had so long ached for.

Jonghyun pulled away first, smiling. ‘’ You’re a good hugger. ‘’

Jinki was thankful for the lack of light at this moment because he could feel his cheeks burning.

‘’ You too, ‘’ he quietly returned.

Jonghyun smiled again before getting off the bed. ‘’ Goodnight, Jinki. ‘’

‘’ Goodnight, Jjong. ‘’

The blonde then left his room, closing the door shut behind him.

Jinki exhaled in relief before pushing himself back down to lie flat on his mattress. He knew that gesture was futile though because there was no way he’d be able to fall asleep now.

***


	4. What Changed?

‘’ What’s up with you? ‘’ Minho asked as he joined the blonde in the other corner of the room.

Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow as his eyes found his friends. ‘’ What do you mean? ‘’

‘’ It’s not like you to stay in the same corner all night, ‘’ the brunette pointed out.

The other sighed as he looked right in front of him.

A dancefloor full of students moving around like brainless organisms. Flashing neon lights blinking in a schizophrenic pattern all over the room. Tasteless music loops blaring through the speakers as if they were all deaf.

‘’ Remind me why this is supposed to be fun again? ‘’ Jonghyun asked, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

Minho frowned, giving his friend a long look. ‘’ It’s a party, Jjong. You love parties, ‘’ he reminded.

The blonde looked at the empty cup he was holding. ‘’ I guess it’d be better if they’d let us have more than one drink. ‘’

‘’ You’ve never needed that before to loosen up, ‘’ Minho pointed out, more and more disconcerted by his best friend’s behaviour.

‘’ Yeah, well I guess I’ve changed, ‘’ Jonghyun sighed again.

It had only been an hour since he had been here, but already he wanted to leave. At first, being with his friends and playing around had been fun, but soon enough they had all found some girls on which to sharpen their flirting skills and dance with. Not so long ago, he would’ve done the same, but as he kept looking around for potential targets, he realized no one created that spark in him.

‘’ Isn’t there anyone Kim Jonghyun would like to add to his _Kiss List_ tonight? ‘’ Minho baited knowingly.

The blonde snorted. ‘’ You do know that’s not a real thing, right? ‘’

‘’ It’s not because there is no written list that it isn’t real, ‘’ Minho argued. ‘’ You’re the one always boasting about how many people you’ve kissed. ‘’

Jonghyun smirked at the note of annoyance he picked up in his tone. ‘’ It’s not my fault my lips are so irresistible. ‘’

‘’ Gross, ‘’ the taller one uttered, wincing.

‘’ Have you even kissed anyone this year? ‘’ he then wondered.

The question caught Jonghyun off guard for a moment as realization hit him. ‘’ I haven’t… ‘’

‘’ Woah, seriously? ‘’ Minho exclaimed as his eyes widened.

‘’ Yeah… ‘’ Jonghyun slowly processed.

There was a moment of silence between them, a moment of shared surprise and concern for what they had both just uncovered.

‘’ Well, ‘’ Jonghyun finally started once he got over it. ‘’ I guess you’ll finally be able to catch up then. ‘’

The jab brought the other out of his own state of shock.

Scowling, he replied, ‘’ This is not a competition. ‘’

‘’ Oh, I know, ‘’ Jonghyun acknowledged, laughing. ‘’ But it wouldn’t hurt for you to actually get some. ‘’

‘’ Maybe I am, ‘’ Minho countered, crossing his arms over his chest.

‘’ Oh really? ‘’ the blonde expressed in an exaggerated show of enthusiasm. ‘’ Are those practices with Kibum finally paying off? ‘’

A deadly glare had him exploding with laughter, the suddenness of it having him bent in half. It was a while before he could regain control over himself and face his grumpy-looking best friend again.

‘’ You know I’m just kidding, right? ‘’

‘’ Even if you aren’t, ain’t no way Kibum and I could ever get along, ‘’ Minho settled categorically.

‘’ But you are practicing together, right? ‘’ Jonghyun inquired, suddenly curious.

The brunette sighed. ‘’ Yes, we are. And we are barely making it alive each time. ‘’

‘’ I believe in you, Ming, ‘’ Jonghyun cheered on, laughing again.

‘’ Whatever, ‘’ he grumbled, looking ahead.

Jonghyun did the same and immediately felt his mood drop again. Nothing had changed in the last few minutes. It was the same boring scenery.

_I wonder what Jinki is doing…_

That sudden thought for his roommate made him even more sure that there was no point in him staying here anymore.

‘’ I’ll leave you to the fun and chase, Ming. I’m leaving, ‘’ he announced.

‘’ What? ‘’ the taller one let out loudly.

‘’ You heard me. ‘’

‘’ Where are you going? ‘’

‘’ Probably to the studio. I feel like working on some compositions, ‘’ Jonghyun lied without a second thought.

‘’ Okay… ‘’

Jonghyun didn’t let himself be fazed by the other’s suspicious look. Giving him a smile, he then turned on his heel and left the room. 

He didn’t know why, but he suddenly found himself rushing up the stairs and through the hallway, leaving him almost breathless once he was back in front of the door of their dorm room. He took a few seconds to catch his breath before running a hand through his hair.

When he finally was inside again, he suddenly felt weird. He just stood in the middle of the living room for several seconds, trying to find the source of that uneasiness. His eyes widened as it finally caught up with him. He was only now realizing how unlike him it was to just rush out of a school party and go back to his room.

He did enjoy his alone time more than people could ever suspect, but he had never turned down an opportunity to just let off some steam on the dancefloor and get some game.

_What changed? _He wondered as he stared at a blank spot in front of him.

When he realized the answer wouldn’t come to him, he finally moved again. His eyes darted towards his roommate’s door, but at the last minute he decided to go into his room first. As soon as he was in, he started looking around anxiously for something that would make his presence back here more justifiable.

It took a moment, but he finally found it. It was something he had almost forgotten about, but that worked perfectly in this instance. When he pulled it out, a huge grin cracked his face.

Wasting no more time, he finally walked to the other’s room and knocked.

Silence answered him.

He knocked again, determined.

His ear finally caught a sound, but that soon faded into silence again.

‘’ Jinki! ‘’ he decided to call out as he grew impatient.

That proved effective as a few seconds later, the door opened before him, revealing a confused Jinki.

‘’ Jjong? ‘’

‘’ What are you doing here? ‘’ he then asked as a deep frown creased his brow.

‘’ That’s no good, Jinki, ‘’ he reproached with a pout. ‘’ How about _I’m so happy to see you, Jjong. ‘’ _

‘’ Well, I’m glad, but… why are you here? ‘’ Jinki wondered, still confused.

‘’ I thought that I should bring the party to you since you didn’t want to go, ‘’ he conveniently explained as he held up the paper bag he was holding.

‘’ What’s that? ‘’

‘’ Let me in and you’ll see… ‘’ Jonghyun teased with a wink.

Jinki’s gaze immediately found another focus than the one standing before him. He then stepped back to let him in, closing the door behind them right after.

Once again, Jonghyun made himself comfortable on his mattress, in the same position he always took. His eyes immediately went to the book that had been left in the middle of the bed. He picked it up as he put down the paper bag.

‘’ What’s that? ‘’ he asked as he struggled to read the title.

‘’ L’Étranger by Albert Camus, ‘’ Jinki answered right after he found his comfortable spot against his headboard.

‘’ Isn’t that French? ‘’ Jonghyun gathered as he looked at the back cover.

‘’ Yes. ‘’

Jonghyun stared at Jinki, blinking. ‘’ You’re reading this in French? ‘’

The brunette nodded. ‘’ Well to be correct I’m rereading it. ‘’

‘’ Wait, wait, wait… you speak French? ‘’ the other all but shrieked.

‘’ I understand it more than I can speak it to be honest, ‘’ Jinki rectified once more.

The blonde’s mouth fell open, stunned. ‘’ But how… ‘’

‘’ My parents were always big on consuming art in their original form, or language in that instance, so I was tutored in many languages from very young. ‘’

‘’ How many languages do you actually know? ‘’

‘’ Apart from Korean and English, I know Japanese, German, Russian, Spanish and French. ‘’

‘’ I’m… ‘’ The blonde was truly at a loss for words and he was only fluent in one language.

‘’ You’re a genius, Lee Jinki, ‘’ he concluded as he kept looking at him in awe.

‘’ Ninja, genius… which one is it? ‘’ Jinki joked, trying to mask how flustered the other was making him.

‘’ All of the above. ‘’

‘’ It’s nothing really, ‘’ the brunette dismissed as the other’s gaze felt more and more unbearable. ‘’ We can all learn lots of languages as children. My parents just exploited that ability, that’s all. ‘’

‘’ Yeah well that’s still amazing, ‘’ Jonghyun insisted. ‘’ You are full of surprises, Lee Ninja Genius Jinki. ‘’

Even though bashful, he couldn’t help but smile at that.

‘’ Mmm, ‘’ the blonde hummed in approval. ‘’ You should smile more, it really suits you. ‘’

Jinki almost missed the other’s own smile as he looked away, feeling his face heat up. But he could still see it from the corner of his eye and felt his heart flip because of it.

He soon distracted himself by putting away his book and then his cellphone and earphones from which had come the rain sounds he often needed to stay focused. 

‘’ What’s in the bag? ‘’ he then asked once it caught his line of vision again.

Jonghyun grinned. Without a word, he handed it to him.

Jinki gave him a suspicious look, but went on uncovering what was inside.

‘’ You can’t be serious… ‘’ he gasped, eyes wide.

‘’ Oh… I’m more than serious, ‘’ Jonghyun chuckled in amusement.

‘’ You know you could get expelled for this, right? ‘’ Jinki reminded as his initial shock subsided to give place to fear.

‘’ I’ve hidden it well all this time, I’m not worried, ‘’ the blonde shrugged. ‘’ Plus, if we finish it all tonight, we can get rid of the evidence, ‘’ he continued with a sly smile.

‘’ You’re crazy. ‘’ Jinki gave him back the bottle. ‘’ Get rid of it now. ‘’

‘’ Oh come on… ‘’ Jonghyun whined in protest. ‘’ That’s no fun. ‘’

‘’ You know what’s fun? Not getting expelled, ‘’ Jinki retorted.

‘’ And you know what’s even more fun? Having a few drinks with your favorite roommate and not getting expelled, ‘’ Jonghyun threw back smugly.

Jinki looked at him with worry and disapproval. He didn’t like this at all, but at the same time, he did want to join the other in his very stupid plan.

‘’ I guess there isn’t much risk drinking here, ‘’ he rationalized despite his worst-case scenarios.

‘’ Exactly! ‘’ Jonghyun said, beaming. He lost no time to pull out the two small glasses that were also in the bag.

‘’ Hold these, ‘’ he indicated before taking the bottle in his hands again.

Soon enough, the rich golden-brown liquid filled each glass.

‘’ Cheers, ‘’ Jonghyun initiated excitedly once he had his own glass in hand.

‘’ Cheers, ‘’ Jinki echoed stiffly.

They both brought the glass to their lips and drank.

‘’ Ooof, that’s strong, ‘’ Jonghyun noted with a grimace as he lowered his glass.

‘’ Well yeah, it’s rum, ‘’ Jinki replied, unfazed.

‘’ Thanks, Sherlock, ‘’ the blonde huffed.

‘’ I mean that’s probably why you bought it right? ‘’

‘’ Yeah… ‘’

‘’ Have you actually had rum before? ‘’ Jinki asked as he read his expression.

Jonghyun would’ve been quick to say yes to save face, but he had shared so much with Jinki already that it didn’t seem right to act almighty now.

‘’ No… ‘’ he admitted. ‘’ I’ve never been much of a drinker… ‘’

‘’ So why did you bring that bottle? ‘’

There was a silence, a long silence, during which an internal debate took place inside the blonde, but in the end it did nothing to change the outcome. It was too late to keep his truth in now.

‘’ In case I wanted to forget… ‘’

‘’ Forget? ‘’ Jinki repeated, surprised. ‘’ Forget about what? ‘’

Jonghyun looked down to the mattress, embarrassed. ‘’ About everything… ‘’

The other’s answer left the brunette silent, his eyes still on the other’s sullen demeanour. He wanted to find the right thing to say, the thing that could erase just for moment that sorrow he could sense coming out from his every pore, but he came up blank.

‘’ Don’t worry, Jinki, ‘’ Jonghyun finally said, lifting his head up. ‘’ I had actually forgotten about the bottle, so I’d say I’m doing pretty good, ‘’ he observed with a small laugh.

That didn’t do much to reassure the brunette. ‘’ Jjong… ‘’

Still he couldn’t find the words.

‘’ I say we still deserve to have a few drinks since we’ve had to work so hard lately, ‘’ Jonghyun decided with a renewed enthusiasm.

Jinki was still worried. ‘’ Are you sure? ‘’

‘’ Very, ‘’ the blonde settled before he brought the glass to his lips again and downed it.

The other watched him grimace again, but felt a little more at ease when he retrieved his smile.

‘’ You can’t just watch me drink, ‘’ Jonghyun pointed out. ‘’ You have to drink too. ‘’

Jinki slowly nodded, still a little on edge.

Soon, his own glass was empty too.

But that only lasted a few seconds as the blonde got back to pouring.

Jinki wanted to protest again, but found himself unable to. Before he knew it, he was following the other once more in his fast-paced drinking and from then on, it was just a sequence of fill up the glass-down it-repeat.

They soon reached their limit half-way through the bottle, both ending up sprawled on the bed, lids drooping over their eyes. Jinki could feel the pull of sleep, but he fought it, remembering that he wasn’t alone.

‘’ Jinki… ‘’

The other’s tone let him know he wasn’t alone his predicament.

‘’ I’m sleepy, ‘’ the blonde went on drowsily.

‘’ Go get some sleep, ‘’ the brunette said.

‘’ I want to, but… I don’t think I can move… ‘’ Jonghyun answered with a lazy laugh.

‘’ Do you mind if I just sleep here tonight? ‘’ he then asked, letting his eyes close.

If Jinki had been fighting with all his might with sleep before, the sudden surge of panic that rose inside him now had him fully alert.

‘’ That’s not a good idea. ‘’

A frown graced the blonde’s sleepy face. ‘’ Mmm? Why? ‘’

‘’ Um… ‘’ Jinki’s brain worked full speed to find the perfect excuse.

‘’ Cause I snore, ‘’ he found, feeling relief wash over him.

‘’ Hmm? ‘’ Jonghyun hummed, perplexed. ‘’ I’ve never heard you snore before. ‘’

‘’ Well I do, ‘’ Jinki asserted, pushing his guilt aside. ‘’ I’d feel too bad if I knew that I had ruined your sleep. ‘’

The blonde fell silent as a feeling of disappointment crashed over him.

‘’ Jjong? ‘’ Jinki called out, worried again.

‘’ Fine, ‘’ he finally answered. ‘’ But you’ll have to help me up. ‘’

‘’ Sure, ‘’ Jinki acknowledged before he started moving off the bed. He soon found his way to the other side where Jonghyun had in the meantime managed to bring himself up to a sitting position.

‘’ Just put an arm around my shoulder, ‘’ the brunette indicated.

Jonghyun did just that and before he knew it, he was lifted up onto his feet.

‘’ Wow… you’re pretty strong, ‘’ he noted with a slight slur to his words. 

Jinki felt himself blush again. ‘’ Not at all, ‘’ he immediately refuted.

A breathy laugh tumbled out of the blonde’s mouth. ‘’ You’re always so serious, Jinki… ‘’

The brunette chose not to engage. ‘’ Just focus on your steps now. ‘’

He started moving first, bringing the smaller one along in his motion. For the first few steps, it almost felt like he was dragging him, but then Jonghyun seemed to remember how to make his body move again, making the remainder of their path that much easier.

Jinki finally let go once the blonde was back onto his bed. He quickly turned away to leave, but Jonghyun’s voice made him halt.

‘’ Thanks for tonight, Jinki. T’was fun. ‘’

Jinki felt his heart speed up. ‘’ Get some sleep now, ‘’ he advised.

‘’ Yes, chief, ‘’ Jonghyun replied, giggling.

The brunette left the room right after, turning off the light and closing the door behind him.

Jonghyun soon fell asleep, the last thing on his mind being the other’s smile.

***


	5. Scared.

Jonghyun could already feel the petrifying arms of anxiety wrap around him again as he once more looked at the mid-annual exam week schedule. It seemed like yesterday since they had had to prepare for the first slew of exams and now, they were right back it.

What the blonde definitely didn’t understand was how time had flown by so fast. He would’ve usually been glad that half the year was already behind him, but now that the stakes were so high, he didn’t wish for the last leg of it to arrive so soon.

The thought of failing the oh so important college entrance exam had kept him up most nights and had kept haunting him throughout the day. Jonghyun had never slept that well, but the constant insomnia was taking its toll on him.

Despite his need to be comforted, he hadn’t bothered Jinki once after that one time many weeks ago. His pride had kept him from potentially coming off as too needy even though internally, he was craving for that closeness more and more every day.

That didn’t mean that Jonghyun didn’t take what he could get during the day. He had always been big on skinship, but with Jinki, he’d had to dial it down a bit. Fortunately, as the weeks had passed and the brunette had shown himself more comfortable and open, the blonde had taken more liberties in that regard, initiating a few touches here and there when it felt appropriate.

He especially loved holding his soft, warm hand when they’d have a more intimate conversation or squeeze his arm whenever he’d be in a teasing mood. He secretly wished for more hugs, but he knew that’d come more naturally at some point. What was most important to him was to have Jinki there.

It was still funny to him how things had turned out this way between them, but he didn’t want to have it any other way. He had found in Jinki an amazing guy with whom he shared so much with and that also seemed to bring out the best of him.

The idea of not sharing a room with him anymore was the other reason why he wasn’t so eager for the year to end. He could feel that they connected at a deeper level, but he didn’t know if that was just a result of their current living situation. He knew without a doubt that his friendship with Minho would remain beyond the confines of the school’s walls, but with Jinki, he couldn’t be so sure. Part of him couldn’t help but think that Jinki might be pitying him and just want to help him feel better for the time being.

Jonghyun couldn’t say he had ever really feared rejection and abandonment before, but those feelings had become more than a fleeting thing lately. He knew how loved he was by his peers and even his teachers, but in the end, he didn’t care for all of that. All he wanted right now was to know that the thing that was so precious to him wasn’t going to die in a few months.

That wasn’t something he wanted to address anytime soon, but it had definitely added to his current stress. After a while of staring mindlessly at the exam schedule he had gotten earlier, he decided that he needed some time to just turn his mind off.

It wasn’t long before he was making his way to the lounge room where his friends and many students usually gathered in the evening. It was a Thursday so Jonghyun knew he wouldn’t find Jinki in their room anyways since he usually went at the weekly movie night the school held.

The thought of it brought a smile to the blonde’s lips as he remembered that one time he had decided to go with him. He hadn’t followed much of the movie as fatigue had claimed him at that moment. He had ended up laying his head on the taller one’s shoulder before being pulled into Morpheus’ arms, apparently hugging the other’s arm really tight if what Jinki had told him after held any truth. 

Jonghyun would’ve gone again if that meant getting a bout of good sleep and being close to Jinki as a bonus, but he had also not wanted to infringe on the other’s leisure time. He had started realizing how dependent he was becoming and knew it would only be good for him to spend time with his own friends for which he hadn’t made adequate time for in a while.

That’s why he was more than happy to see them all grouped in a corner of the lounge room, laughing loudly as they always did.

‘’ Hey, guys, ‘’ he said as he sat on the arm of the couch half the gang was sitting on.

Jong Suk was the first to react. ‘’ Well, well, well, ‘’ he drawled. ‘’ Look who has decided to bless us with his presence. ‘’

‘’ Are you even sure that’s who we think it is? ‘’ Jaehwan asked him, a hint of derision spiking his tone.

‘’ Seriously? ‘’ Jonghyun let out, frowning.

‘’ We couldn’t be more serious, ‘’ Junki replied, gazing straight at him.

The others soon did the same, waiting on him to give them a satisfying explanation.

Jonghyun was normally quick to defend himself and justify his actions, but for once, guilt kept his mouth shut. He looked at his friends one after the other, silently apologizing for his absence. Even though he couldn’t open up to them the way he could with Minho and more recently with Jinki, they had still made up a big chunk of the good moments he had spent in this school.

‘’ It’s not enough to just look at us with puppy eyes, ‘’ Young Bae noted as he crossed his arms.

‘’ That’s not what I was doing, ‘’ Jonghyun rebutted. ‘’ But would a pout make it enough though? ‘’ he then suggested, lips curving into a crooked smile.

Jong Suk snorted. ‘’ Yah, we ain’t your boyfriend. ‘’

The blonde cocked an eyebrow at that. ‘’ My boyfriend? ‘’

‘’ Yeah, L-e-e J-i-n-k-i, ‘’ Young Bae spelled out in a childish tone that made the other three laugh.

‘’ Wouldn’t that be Taemin though? ‘’ Jaehwan then pointed out, rubbing his chin pensively.

Jonghyun shook his head in exasperation. ‘’ You guys are unbelievable. ‘’

‘’ No, but Jae makes a good point, ‘’ Jong Suk realized. ‘’ It doesn’t make sense that someone who is one year under us would be tutoring you. ‘’

The rest all nodded and hummed in agreement.

‘’ Believe it or not, but he really is tutoring me. That kid is just a genius, ‘’ Jonghyun casually replied.

‘’ Even if that were true, you aren’t going to make us believe that you haven’t had those luscious lips around your cock yet, ‘’ Junki shot back instantly.

There was a moment of silence as the others, including Jonghyun, all looked at each other, perplexed.

‘’ Those luscious lips? ‘’ Young Bae slowly echoed as he directed his gaze to the one who had last spoken.

Junki looked back at him and then at the others, confused in turn. ‘’ Are you guys seriously telling me you have never noticed before? ‘’

‘’ Well yeah, the boy got lips … ‘’ Jaehwan recognized. ‘’ But you sound a little too passionate about it… ‘’

‘’ Yeah, that’s kinda gay, man, ‘’ Jong Suk added, eyeing Junki with disgust.

‘’ Look, he has without a doubt the best lips in the school. Me saying that those lips would feel good around a cock isn’t gay, it’s just a fact, ‘’ the latter laid out with conviction. 

‘’ Nope, that’s gay, ‘’ Young Bae immediately countered before the other two backed that up with a ‘’ _Totally_. ‘’

At this point, Jonghyun was already tempted to leave to avoid hearing such stupidity, but he found it in himself not to just yet.

‘’ Doesn’t matter if it’s gay or not, Tae and I don’t have that kind of relationship, ‘’ he settled as he let his gaze sweep across the room for some much needed distraction.

He almost missed it the first time, but when he looked back again, he caught something he thought he’d never see.

‘’ Is that… ‘’ His state of shock swallowed up the rest of his words.

They all followed his gaze.

‘’ Yup, there is nothing wrong with your eyes, ‘’ Jaehwan confirmed.

'' How the fuck did that happen? '' Jonghyun exclaimed, bewildered by the sight of his best friend having what seemed like a pleasurable conversation with his supposed sworn enemy.

'' If you had actually been paying attention, you would've known that they surprisingly started getting along while practicing for the play, '' Jong Suk filled in with a lingering tone of reproach.

Jonghyun's guilt managed to silence him again, forming a lump in his throat.

_Have I really been that inconsiderate? Why didn't Minho tell me anything? Is he mad at me?_

'' Looks like he might have replaced you, '' Junki observed, cutting his chain of thought.

The lump only grew bigger, almost choking him. Jonghyun couldn't even be mad at his friend for the jab. This was all his fault.

Watching Kibum laugh at something his best friend had just said was all it took for him to feel the tears coming.

The urgency to leave was that much more prominent when Minho's gaze finally moved away from Kibum and caught his. Without a word, he straightened up and almost ran out of the room.

The hallway was pretty much empty that late in the evening much to his relief. His only goal was to get back to his room so he could have one of his ‘_crybaby episodes’_ as like he liked to call them.

Unfortunately, he didn't even make it halfway before he was stopped by a strong grip on his arm. Surprised, he turned back, eyes wide.

'' It's really like that, huh? '' Minho spat, jaw tense and frown creasing his brow.

Jonghyun could only stare back at him, stuck between his sorrow and his confusion.

'' Say something, '' Minho pressed as he let go of his arm and crossed his over his chest.

'' Why didn't you tell me about you and Kibum? '' was the first thing the blonde thought to say.

'' Seriously? '' Minho scoffed, shaking his head lightly.

'' You're unbelievable, Kim Jonghyun. ''

Jonghyun looked down, feeling like a kid being scolded for doing something wrong.

'' How the hell was I supposed to talk about anything with you when you've not been around for the past month? '' Minho lectured, his anger only being fueled with every word said.

Jonghyun looked up again, offended. '' That's not true. We still train together every week. ''

The brunette snorted. '' Yes, we _train_, '' he emphasized. '' And as soon as we’re done you rush out like a little puppy looking for his master. ''

The smaller one was frowning now too, starting to feel irritated. ‘’ What’s that supposed to mean? ‘’

‘’ You tell me, ‘’ Minho sharply threw back.

A long eye exchange ensued before Jonghyun became tired of being in showdown mode.

‘’ Is this about Jinki? ‘’ he sighed as the previous conversation he had with their friends came back to him.

‘’ I’d say it’s about your weird obsession with the guy, ‘’ Minho specified, still on edge.

‘’ I don’t have a weird obsession, or any kind of obsession for that matter, ‘’ Jonghyun refuted. ‘’ He’s just become a good friend. ‘’

‘’ Jjong, I don’t think I’m lying when I say that I know you more than I know myself, ‘’ the brunette pointed out. ‘’ So if anyone would know when something is up, it would be me. But the thing is that you’re so obvious that _everyone_ can see it. ‘’

‘’ Can see what? ‘’ Jonghyun asked before the fear that suddenly grew inside him could stop him from doing so.

‘’ That you have a thing for the guy, ‘’ Minho wasted no time answering.

‘’ And don’t even try denying it, ‘’ he then added as he saw a shocked expression flash across his friend’s face.

‘’ I… I don’t… ‘’

‘’ It’s not like that, ‘’ the latter said again with more assurance.

‘’ It’s not because you haven’t done anything with him that it’s not like that, ‘’ Minho indicated knowingly.

Jonghyun froze, looking at a blank spot in front of him as his heart raced like crazy inside his chest.

‘’ I just don’t understand why him… like I could understand your interest in Taemin, but that guy-

‘’ Don’t you dare say anything bad about Jinki, ‘’ the blonde cut off, snarling.

Minho looked at him, a little taken aback before a smirk danced across his lips. ‘’ There it is. The protective boyfriend instinct. ‘’

‘’ If you actually knew him, you’d understand why I defend him. It has nothing to do with make-believe feelings I apparently have for him, ‘’ Jonghyun retorted before turning on his heel and walking away.

‘’ Yah! ‘’ Minho called out from his spot.

‘’ You’re not good at hiding your emotions, Jjong. Sooner or later, he’ll see it too, ‘’ he then said loudly when the other didn’t turn back.

Jonghyun bit his tongue to keep himself from saying something he’d regret. It wasn’t too long before he was back in their dorm. Unfortunately, he was once again stopped in his trajectory when he heard the door open behind him.

He instinctively turned back, the sight of Jinki making his heart leap in a way it never had before.

‘’ Why are you back so early? ‘’ he asked, a little panicked.

‘’ The movie wasn’t good so I figured I shouldn’t waste my time, ‘’ Jinki replied before extending the hand in which he held a folded bag of popcorn.

‘’ Want some? ‘’

Jonghyun looked at it for a moment, blinking. ‘’ No… I’m fine, thank you… ‘’

‘’ Is everything alright? ‘’ Jinki inquired, sensing the other’s discomfort. 

‘’ Yes, yes, I’m just, um, a little tired… ‘’ Jonghyun answered before forcing a yawn.

‘’ I’m going to try to get some sleep. See you later, ‘’ he then said.

He gave the other no chance to reply as he rushed to his room and shut the door. Back against it, he kept an ear open to make sure he had no more reason to worry. A sigh of relief finally left his lips as he heard the others room door being closed.

It wasn’t long before he was on his bed, head buried in his pillows with only one thing in mind.

_Sooner or later, he’ll see it too. _

***

Jinki had known from the beginning that being roommates with Jonghyun was a gift beyond any gift. Even if they had never gotten to speak to each other, just being that physically close to him would’ve still been the best thing to ever happen to him.

For some inexplicable reason, he had gotten even more and still had to pinch himself every day to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. If he hadn’t believed in miracles before, he truly believed this was one.

Never in his life would he have thought that he could actually have normal conversations with someone else and share so many personal things about himself. It hadn’t been a smooth ride, but he felt like the worst of his uneasiness and habitual defense mechanisms were behind him. He wasn’t the same Jinki around Jonghyun and he would forever be grateful to the latter for bringing out this new side of him.

Beyond his strong feelings for the blonde was the pure appreciation of their friendship. He didn’t mind that their relationship would never be what he truly wanted it to be as long as Jonghyun was in his life. He could only hope that leaving behind this phase of their life in a few months wouldn’t mean leaving behind their friendship too.

In any case, Jinki knew it was best to make the most out of every moment. The problem was that these moments had become rare lately. Jonghyun wasn’t initiating conversations anymore and when Jinki did, he wouldn’t say much. Jinki knew that with the upcoming exams, the blonde was probably feeling more stressed than ever, but he couldn’t help but feel hurt by the lack of closeness he had gotten used to.

But he didn’t let himself be defeated just yet. All week he had been thinking of a nice gesture that would help cheer him up. It finally came to him during one of his study sessions when the soft tune Jonghyun had played for him in their dorm room a week ago started playing in his head again. The whole conversation they had then was also quick to unfold.

_‘’ What do you think? ‘’ Jonghyun asked as he put his guitar to rest against the side of the couch. _

_‘’ It’s beautiful… ‘’ Jinki immediately said. ‘’ It’s warm but also has that melancholic feel to it, ‘’ he then went on as the words came to him. _

_Jonghyun grinned, unknowingly making the brunette’s heart race from such a sight. _

_‘’ I’m glad you think so, ‘’ he started. ‘’ I have a few lyrics floating around in my mind, but I’ve been thinking… ‘’ _

_Biting his lip, he looked down to his feet, mulling over what he was about to ask. It took him a few seconds to regain his confidence and face the other again. _

_‘’ I want you to write the lyrics for it, ‘’ he finally said, eyes digging into darker ones. _

_Those dark eyes widened in surprise. ‘’ What? ‘’ _

_A soft laugh tumbled out of the blonde at his reaction. ‘’ Is that too crazy of a request? ‘’ _

_‘’ No, but… You don’t need me, ‘’ Jinki explained. ‘’ You write beautiful lyrics on your own. ‘’ _

_Jonghyun gave a slight nod of the head. ‘’ I might, but I’ve been wanting for our arts to meet for a long time now. ‘’ _

_Jinki’s heart reacted first again, thumping so loudly in his chest he was afraid the other could hear it. _

_‘’ Jjong… I-I’d be more than honored to write lyrics for you, but… ‘’ He swallowed hard, feeling his throat tighten. ‘’ I’m not sure I can do your music justice. I wouldn’t want to disappoint you. ‘’ _

_He immediately looked down, shameful. _

_‘’ Jinki, ‘’ Jonghyun called out. _

_His firm tone was enough to get the other’s gaze up again. _

_‘’ What did we say about you having more faith in yourself? ‘’ he reminded when he had his full attention._

_‘’ You just told me that I should, but that doesn’t mean that I can, ‘’ Jinki replied, self-conscious. _

_‘’ You’ll just have to trust me then, ‘’ Jonghyun settled. ‘’ I have all the faith in you. That’s why I’m asking this of you and you only. ‘’ _

_Jinki’s eyes stayed fixed on him, stuck in his state of disbelief. _

_‘’ Can I think about it? ‘’ he quietly asked when he finally realized that the other was serious. _

_‘’ Yes, sure, ‘’ Jonghyun reassured, smiling. He then plunged a hand into his sweatpants’ right pocket. _

_‘’ Here you go, ‘’ he said as he extended a hand towards the one facing him. _

_Jinki took the small device that was handed to him and looked at it, frowning. ‘’ A USB flash drive? ‘’ _

_‘’ Yeah, I recorded the audio the other day and then made a copy so you could work with the music. ‘’_

_Glimpsing at the fear in the brunette’s eyes, he quickly added, ‘’ Not that this means that you have to do it. ‘’ _

_He bit his lip again, trying to reel in his eagerness to make his desire come true. _

_‘’ I know, ‘’ Jinki said as he tried to keep his gaze from lingering too much on that frustrating habit the other had._

_Fortunately, the blonde’s lips split into a wide smile again. _

_‘’ But seriously think about it, okay? Don’t just be like ‘’ Oh I’m not good enough boo-hoo. ‘’ _

_The brunette’s glare made him laugh, but soon enough he found himself having to run away when the other took a pillow from the couch. He was lucky enough to get back into his room before getting hit. _

_As his lingering laughter pierced through his closed door, Jinki just stayed in place, a foolish smile gracing his lips. _

He had put that whole thing behind him two days later once they had gotten their exam week schedule. He had thought it was the perfect excuse not to give the other any answer just yet, but now, he felt like there was no more time to lose.

He soon traded his math exercise books for a blank page and his study music for the audio he had been given. As soon as it started, he felt himself sink into it, reliving through closed eyes that moment when Jonghyun had played it for him. It was perfect as it was, but already his mind was coming up with a narrative that could be attached to it.

Without thinking much, he started writing, keeping his focus on the music and what came to him right this moment. Jinki had always been quite the intuitive writer and when he felt inspired, it was like his feel for words was beyond what he could explain to himself.

That’s why when he finally came out of his creative bubble almost two hours later, he found himself shocked by his own work. It wasn’t that he found it extraordinary, he was just surprised that the song had brought so much out of him in such a short period of time.

Deciding it was better not to linger on it too long, he got off his bed and walked to the other’s door. He knew he was probably studying too, but he couldn’t wait any longer to surprise him.

So he knocked.

There wasn’t any sounds for a few seconds but soon enough, he heard the bed creak and felt relieved.

‘’ Yes? ‘’ Jonghyun squarely asked as he opened the door.

Jinki’s relief immediately subsided and gave place to unease as he sensed the other’s displeasure. His mind came up blank for a moment until he remembered why he had bothered him in the first place.

‘’ Um… I’m sorry to bother you, it’s just… ‘’ Jinki rose his hand holding the paper. ‘’ I wanted to give you this… ‘’

Jonghyun looked at it, a deep frown creasing his brow. ‘’ What’s this? ‘’

‘’ I wrote the lyrics. ‘’

The blonde’s expression immediately softened as his mouth fell open and his eyes widened. ‘’ Oh… ‘’

He took the paper that was handed to him and gave it a quick glance, all the words dancing before his eyes making his pulse quicken with excitement.

‘’ It’ll surely need tweaking cause you know, I’m not a singer, but I think it’ll fit your song just fine, ‘’ Jinki indicated despite the pressure he could feel in the middle of chest.

Jonghyun kept looking at the paper in awe, torn between his previous resolve and his present feelings.

‘’ Thank you so much, Jinki, ‘’ he finally said as gratefulness overwhelmed everything else.

‘’ It’s my pleasure, ‘’ the brunette replied, somewhat proud. ‘’ I thought it might help cheer you up since you seem so stressed out lately. ‘’

He then tried a smile, but it immediately died on his lips when he saw the smaller one’s expression darken.

‘’ Are you okay, Jjong? ‘’ he instinctively asked, fearful.

Jonghyun only nodded, but that made for a poor answer when he knew how much his face was actually saying.

‘’ It’s just… ‘’ He looked down, feeling like there was nothing he could say.

‘’ You’ll do just fine on the exams, Jjong, ‘’ Jinki reassured when he gathered he wouldn’t get more from the other.

If he had been his regular self, Jonghyun would’ve snorted at that, but he just nodded again.

‘’ Yes, you’re right. ‘’

Jinki kept looking at him, waiting for him to crack a joke or smile, but none of that happened. Instead, he was faced with a troubled-looking Jonghyun who wasn’t spilling his heart out like he usually did.

‘’ Jjong, I… ‘’

He paused, feeling like any word he would say right now wouldn’t do much.

So instead, Jinki did something he wouldn’t normally do.

He thought he heard the blonde gasp, but that didn’t stop him from tightening the grip of his arms around him, hugging him tight just like he had a few times before, only this time initiating it. He felt a little panicked when Jonghyun didn’t return it at first, but a few more seconds of persistence on his part proved to do the trick.

Jonghyun hugged him back with eyes closed, unable to resist the warmth and sturdiness of the brunette’s body. His nose picked up his sweet but musky scent making his head swim. He knew this was dangerous, so dangerous right now, but he just wanted to stay like that forever.

He felt his heart sink when Jinki finally pulled away, keeping his need for more within him.

‘’ You know that I’m here for you, right? ‘’ the taller one said as they locked eyes.

‘’ I know, ‘’ Jonghyun said in a more relaxed tone.

‘’ Well, I’ll let you be now, ‘’ Jinki uttered, feeling awkward again.

Jonghyun’s lips stretched into a thin smile. ‘’ Okay. ‘’

Jinki took the cue and immediately turned around to walk back to his room.

‘’ Jinki. ‘’

The blonde’s voice stilled his body instantly.

‘’ Yeah? ‘’ he said, turning back.

‘’ Thanks again. ‘’

‘’ For? ‘’

‘’ For this, ‘’ the blonde answered as he held up the paper. ‘’ And for everything. ‘’

‘’ I would say that I should be the one thanking you, but you also told me that I should stop arguing all the time, so I’ll just say that it’s my pleasure, ‘’ Jinki replied, a lopsided smile cracking his lips.

Jonghyun laughed an honest laugh at that and that was enough to make Jinki feel happy again.

He knew it wasn’t good for him to feel so emotionally tied to the other, but at this point, he knew that there was no use fighting it.

***

‘’ Hyung! ‘’

The sharp tone snapped the blonde back to attention. ‘’ Eh? ‘’

‘’ You zoned out again, ‘’ the younger one said, pouting grumpily.

‘’ Ah, I’m sorry… I’m just… ‘’ Jonghyun paused, gathering his thoughts. ‘’ Tired, I guess, ‘’ he went on, giving the other an apologetic look.

The brunette frowned. ‘’ You don’t have to lie to me, hyung. ‘’

‘’ What? You don’t believe me? ‘’ Jonghyun exclaimed in his overdramatic tone.

‘’ As a matter of fact, I don’t, ‘’ Taemin answered before leaning back against his chair. ‘’ Clearly, something’s weighing on your mind. ‘’

‘’ Yes, ‘’ Jonghyun immediately admitted. ‘’ It’s those damn math exercises. I don’t think I’ll actually be able to solve them on my own during the exam. ‘’

‘’ You’ll be just fine, hyung. You’ve gotten most exercises right so far and we still have a few days to make sure you’re more than just fine. I really don’t think that’s the biggest problem you’ve got to solve right now. ‘’

Jonghyun was taken aback by the younger’s seriousness.

‘’ You seem to already have an idea in your mind so please share, ‘’ he encouraged despite himself.

A long sigh followed, giving way to a moment of brief silence during which the brunette’s gaze flicked downwards.

‘’ Did you have a fight with Jinki? ‘’ the latter finally asked as he looked up again.

Jonghyun’s eyes widened for a second before they narrowed under a deep frown. ‘’ What makes you think that? ‘’

‘’ You two were practically tied at the hip and now it’s like you’re never together anymore, ‘’ Taemin pointed out.

The blonde clicked his tongue, annoyed. ‘’ I don’t get why you’d think that means there is a problem. We’re just both busy studying and doing other stuff, that’s it. ‘’

Taemin leaned closer again to pick up the pencil he was holding previously. He looked at it before spinning it between his fingers. ‘’ I think that way, cause you look sad, hyung. ‘’

Jonghyun blinked a few times, speechless. His mouth opened to say something, anything, but no words came out.

‘’ You like him, don’t you? ‘’ Taemin squarely asked, bringing the pencil to a still.

Jonghyun felt his heart flip as every other muscle in his body froze. ‘’ Wha-what do you mean? ‘’

Taemin looked him dead in the eye. ‘’ You know what I mean. ‘’

‘’ We’re friends… good friends, yes… but that’s all… ‘’ Jonghyun countered unconvincingly.

‘’ But you want more, ‘’ Taemin persisted, gaze unwavering.

‘’ I don’t know how you picked up on that, but you’ve got the wrong idea… ‘’ the blonde fought back as the sense of dread that had started spreading through him got even stronger.

‘’ It’s the way you look at him, the way you laugh around him, the way you just are around him… ‘’ Taemin explained, thoughtful.

‘’ I’ve only been around you two a couple of times, but those few times were enough to see it, ‘’ he added, his voice quietening as he spoke.

Even with fear tightening his chest, Jonghyun wasn’t without noticing the sad expression on his friend’s face.

‘’ Taemin… ‘’

‘’ I guess I should come clean first, hyung, ‘’ the other interjected before taking a deep breath.

‘’ I wanted you to look at me that way. ‘’

Jonghyun felt a pang in his chest. ‘’ You mean… ‘’

‘’ I mean that this wasn’t just fun and games for me like it apparently was for you. ‘’

The blonde felt even worse at that. ‘’ I… ‘’ So much was going through his mind that finding words took him some time, but a few seconds later, he finally did. ‘’ You’re the only guy I’ve ever flirted with and yeah, maybe I didn’t think much of it, but I mean it didn’t just happen for no reason. ‘’

And right then, Jonghyun realized that he had just admitted that he wasn’t exactly straight.

‘’ So… are you saying you were attracted to me? ‘’ Taemin concluded, anticipation flashing in his eyes.

Jonghyun swallowed hard on his now dry throat, keeping himself from escaping the brunette’s intense gaze. ‘’ Y-yeah, I guess… ‘’

A noticeable blush colored the latter’s cheeks as he leaned back again. ‘’ Aish, that sucks even more then, ‘’ he sulked. ‘’ I should’ve tried something before Jinki took your heart. ‘’

A frustrated sigh escaped the blonde’s lips. ‘’ This is really starting to get annoying, ‘’

‘’ What? ‘’

‘’ That everyone keeps telling me how I feel about Jinki. ‘’

Taemin blinked, confused. ‘’ Everyone? ‘’

‘’ Yeah, ‘’ Jonghyun replied. ‘’ Well, the guys were joking, but then Minho had a whole lot to say about that and now, you… it’s like, give me a break. ‘’

‘’ So we’re all wrong then? ‘’

Jonghyun fell silent again, cursing his friend for putting him in such a delicate spot. 

‘’ Why are you trying so hard to deny it? ‘’ Taemin inquired. ‘’ Are you ashamed? ‘’

The blonde pondered the thought briefly. ‘’ No… it’s just… ‘’

‘’ What is it then? ‘’

Jonghyun closed his eyes, inhaling and exhaling deeply to calm the turmoil that was wrecking him internally.

‘’ I’m scared. ‘’

His voice came out quiet, so much so that it was almost inaudible.

But Taemin still heard him loud and clear. ‘’ Scared of what? ‘’

Those three words were all it took for the dam that held his thoughts to break inside him.

‘’ Of whatever this is that I’m feeling, of ruining what we have right now, of just not having him anymore in my life, ‘’ he let out without restraint.

Taemin’s eyes widened with shock at the other’s admission, but he quickly put the feeling aside to stay present with him.

‘’ Is pushing him away going to help though? ‘’

It was a question that answered itself, but nonetheless, it hit the older one hard.

‘’ I don’t want to push him away, but if I don’t, he might see it… ‘’

‘’ See what? ‘’

‘’ See what everyone else sees. ‘’

‘’ And? ‘’

‘’ And he’ll be disgusted and never want to talk to me again. ‘’

‘’ Disgusted? ‘’ Taemin echoed, dumbfounded.

‘’ Yeah… ‘’ Jonghyun answered, confused in turn by the other’s surprise.

‘’ Wait… ‘’ the brunette realized, eyes widening. ‘’ Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed? ‘’

The blonde just stared at his friend, lost. ‘’ Eh? ‘’

Taemin shook his head in disbelief. ‘’ Wow, you’re so clueless, I’m… ‘’

‘’ He looks at you the same, hyung, ‘’ he informed, words ringing with obviousness. ‘’ You’re clearly not alone in this. ‘’

Jonghyun’s mouth fell open, stunned.

‘’ That’s impossible… ‘’ he thought out loud. ‘’ Jinki’s not… ‘’

He couldn’t even bring himself to say it.

‘’ Jinki likes you too. End of story, ‘’ Taemin settled, categoric.

Once again, Jonghyun was at a loss for words.

Fortunately, his younger friend always knew what to say.

‘’ So are you going to solve that problem or not? ‘’

***


	6. Isn't it obvious?

_Time is so fast_

_I used to be so awkward, but I changed_

_It’s so funny_

_I used to freak out about small mistakes_

_But the one who smiled and waited for me was you_

_I’m so lucky._

Jonghyun held on to the paper even more tightly as the words unfolded in his mind like a mantra. In the quiet of his room, they were enough to bring him some peace, to make him feel soft and warm. He didn’t know how many times he had read them, thought them, said them, sang them, but he never wanted to let go of them.

They were meant for his music, meant for his voice, meant for him and no matter what would happen, that would never change.

But the truth was that he wasn’t just going to be satisfied by those words. If anything, they had just made him want so much more.

Exams had finally passed and summer break had come about and now it would only be a few months before they would be leaving this school and starting a new life.

Jonghyun was scared of everything to come, but he was mostly scared of his own feelings. They were like a sickness latching onto his body and making him wearier and wearier every day. He had spent his whole break back home trying to recover by hiding out in his room and trying to forget but that had proved to only make things worse. He had then realized that being apart from him just made everything that much harder. The worried looks he had seen on his mother’s and best friend’s face during that time had only confirmed how miserable he actually was.

He could’ve made everything easier for himself by solving the problem at hand right after their exams, but right when he had found a bit of resolve, it had crumbled as soon as he had faced Jinki. He knew the latter had suffered from his drastic change of behaviour towards him, but he hadn’t been able to act any other way.

The only substantial thing Jonghyun had been able to tell him was that he was going to look at the lyrics after being done with the exams. Jinki had showed himself understanding as always, but Jonghyun knew him too well now to not have felt his disappointment at that time.

Jonghyun just wanted to make things right and unlike the math problems he had actually been able to solve, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to solve this one. He had spent the last few hours anticipating Jinki’s return to the dorm now that the break was over and the only thing that had prevented him from running away was the words inscribed on the paper he was holding and in his heart.

It was a few more minutes before he heard the door open, making him tense up on his mattress. He heard his footsteps against the wooden floor, getting closer and closer until they came to a halt. The creaking sound of the door beside his being opened was then heard and he felt himself panic.

As he laid there paralyzed by his fear, a sudden thumping sound in the room was heard in the other room before being soon followed by a groan. That shook him out of his stillness, making him straighten up on his elbows and keeping an ear open for any other sound. When he didn’t hear a thing, worry trampled his apprehension and he rose to his feet.

It wasn’t long before he was at the other’s door. When he saw Jinki on the floor, face twisted in pain as he held on to his foot, he couldn’t help but rush to him.

‘’ What happened? ‘’ Jonghyun asked, panicked.

‘’ I dropped my luggage, ‘’ Jinki quickly said, hissing.

Jonghyun looked around them, eyeing the culprit that was scattered on the floor. ‘’ You should’ve called me, I would’ve helped you, ‘’ he pointed out in a tone of reproach.

‘’ Well… I didn’t want to bother you… ‘’

That felt like a stab to the chest, the uneasiness that laced his words reminding him just how much he had pushed the other away.

‘’ I can only blame myself for making you think that you could ever bother me, ‘’ Jonghyun said as guilt silently tore him apart.

Before the other could answer, he extended a hand to help him up which the latter immediately accepted.

‘’ You should be more careful, Jinki. It seems like you keep dropping things on yourself, ‘’ he half-advised, half-joked despite everything he was feeling.

‘’ Eh? ‘’ Jinki let out, confused.

‘’ This happened before, remember? I rushed to your room too then and when you opened the door you said that you’d just dropped something on your foot. ‘’

Jinki frowned at first, but his expression soon turned into one of discomfort. ‘’ Oh yeah… ‘’

‘’ I’m just really clumsy, ‘’ he justified, rubbing the back of his head.

Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow, perplexed, but his attention was soon directed elsewhere. He had just noticed the light tan kissing the other’s skin, giving it an enticing caramel look that wasn’t without making his mouth water. The thought of having a bite flashed through his mind, but he caught himself right in time before any other embarrassing thoughts made things even more awkward.

‘’ Been under the sun much? ‘’ he lightly remarked to keep the conversation going.

Jinki followed his gaze back to his arm and smiled. ‘’ Ah yeah… We pretty much spent the whole break at the family’s beach house so I haven’t spent much time inside. ‘’

‘’ You? ‘’ he then inquired.

‘’ We don’t all have a beach house, Jinki… ‘’

‘’ I… I just meant how’d you spend your break… ‘’ Jinki fumbled, embarrassed.

A chuckle crossed the blonde’s lips. ‘’ I know. I was just messing with you. ‘’

Watching the brunette’s shoulders slump with relief, he went on. ‘’ I didn’t go out much actually. ‘’

‘’ Oh, really? ‘’ Jinki exclaimed, surprised.

‘’ Yeah… I just didn’t have the energy. ‘’

‘’ Oh, well… it’s better to have rested then, ‘’ Jinki acknowledged. ‘’ Do you feel better now? ‘’

Jonghyun didn’t miss the inflexion in his voice, the subtle note of hope for something that had been lost.

‘’ If I’m being completely honest… no. ‘’ 

‘’ Did something happen? ‘’ the brunette asked, eyes wide with worry.

_Yes. You._

Jonghyun wished those words could’ve just left him with ease, but fear was still in the way. It was a hard thing for him to feel so vulnerable and unconfident.

He knew there was no point in escaping the inevitable now, but courage still failed him as he felt the other’s gaze on him. All he could do in that moment was rock back and forth on his feet with his hands in his pockets, gaze down to the floor.

‘’ Jjong, please… talk to me, ‘’ Jinki pleaded as he felt more and more powerless.

The blonde tensed up at the thought. ‘’ I don’t know if I can this time… ‘’ he quietly admitted.

‘’ Why? ‘’ Jinki asked as hurt mixed in with his anguish.

‘’ I… ‘’

_Come on, just say it. _

Jonghyun fought with himself as best he could to just let it out, to just get everything out in the open, but the block was too heavy. He forfeited after a few more seconds, realizing that he might never be able to push past it.

‘’ It’s fine, Jinki… ‘’ he croaked as his emotion tank threatened to overflow. ‘’ I’ll just figure it out. ‘’

He quickly turned the other way before he completely lost control, but he hadn’t made it one step before a strong grip stopped him from moving. A gasp left his lips as he was swiftly turned back around, bringing him only a few inches apart from the taller one.

‘’ Did I do something wrong? ‘’

The pain he read on the brunette’s face mirrored his own and all he wanted in that moment was to make it disappear.

‘’ No, Jinki, ‘’ Jonghyun answered as to erase any doubt in his mind.

But that didn’t work.

‘’ Just tell me what I did wrong and I’ll fix it, I promise, ‘’ Jinki insisted, distraught.

‘’ Jinki, it’s not like that… ‘’

‘’ Well what is it then? ‘’

Jonghyun fell silent again, losing himself in the dark eyes that wavered with such emotion that it made him forget about everything else.

Everything except the loud and fast rhythm of his heartbeat thumping in his ears.

It made him move to its will, to what it had wanted for a very long time.

He couldn’t have stopped it even if he had wanted to.

The spark was immediate as he pressed his lips against his, that touch only firing up every nerve ending in his body.

His eyes widened and he pulled away, overwhelmed by the sensation.

Jonghyun had always thought that those songs about love feeling like fireworks were stupid, but there he was, feeling like a million explosions had just happened at once inside him.

He looked at Jinki who looked stunned out of his mind and suddenly realized what he had done.

_SHIT. SHIT. SHIT._

‘’ Jinki…

‘’ I’m… ‘’

‘’ That’s… ‘’

‘’ I didn’t mean to… ‘’

Jonghyun cursed himself again as his brain refused to cooperate.

He stopped trying to find words for a moment and instead searched the other’s face, anxiously waiting for his reaction.

It took a while, but Jinki finally came out from his paralysis to lock eyes with him again. Without thinking, he took a step forward and then another, closing the gap the other had created between them.

That retrieved closeness did nothing to help him recover brain cells. Usually, a bunch of questions would’ve come to mind, but right now, none of that was possible.

Jinki wasn’t thinking anymore, he was just feeling.

And above all feelings he was currently experiencing was his love and want for the other.

The spark turned into a full-blown fire this time as Jinki initiated the kiss, his hands wrapping around the smaller one’s waist as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Jonghyun gasped at first before the combined feeling of soft full lips covering his and strong arms holding him got the better of him.

If there was something that Jonghyun loved it was kisses and he was always greedy for more. It wasn’t long before he was licking at the other’s lips and sucking softly on his bottom lip to feel every part of him that he could.

Jinki’s lips parted at that, a quiet moan escaping him as he hugged the blonde even tighter.

It was all the opportunity Jonghyun needed to snake his tongue inside his mouth, this time making them moan in sync.

A hand settling behind the taller one’s neck, he deepened the kiss, taking his time to explore the softness and warmth of his mouth. He felt Jinki tense up against him as their tongues met, but he managed to relax him as he took the lead, caressing his tongue with his own and sucking on it a few times.

It almost felt like a tragedy when he pulled away to catch his breath, but that feeling soon faded as he caught the beautiful flushed face before his.

'' Jinki... '' he breathed, his heart racing a marathon.

Their eyes locked again, the only sound remaining for a while being that of their soft breathing.

'' I'm sorry, '' Jonghyun finally said as he slowly came down his high and realized how invasive he had just been.

A deep frown creased the brunette's thick eyebrows. '' For? ''

The blonde's brow cocked in response. '' For what I just did... ''

'' Kissing me? ''

'' Well yeah... ''

'' Well I did kiss you too. ‘’

Jonghyun’s eyes lit up with surprise as he was hit with realization. Jinki didn’t reject him. Jinki did kiss him.

‘’ So what does this mean? ‘’ he asked, feeling his heart flutter.

‘’ Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that? ‘’ Jinki returned, somewhat amused.

‘’ Ah yes… ‘’ Jonghyun realized, embarrassed again.

He felt himself go back to square one, scared to say what was on his mind.

'' Talk to me... Please, '' Jinki pleaded again as he sensed the other recoiling into himself.

Jonghyun bit his lip, stuck in his own internal quicksand.

'' If kissing me was just a way to get some relief that's fine, '' Jinki started again. '' I don't care, I just want to be there for you so don't push me away, '' he continued, desperate.

That instantly brought Jonghyun back to the surface.

'' I didn't kiss you to get some relief, '' he refuted, frowning.

'' Why would you kiss me then? '' Jinki asked, perplexed.

The blonde sighed.

'' Isn't it obvious? ''

Jinki blinked a few times, feeling even more confused.

'' No... ''

'' Goddammit, Jinki, '' Jonghyun groaned.

'' I kissed you because I've been wanting to for a while now, '' he went on, riding on the momentum.

He watched as the other's eyes widened and his Adam's apple travelled up and down his throat.

Jonghyun felt his chest tighten with fear but wasn't left paralyzed by it this time.

'' I like you, Jinki... '' he admitted. '' A lot... ''

The confession had him biting his lip again as if to make sure his thoughts wouldn't take his mouth for its own and spill out of him now.

'' Y-you like me? '' the brunette stuttered, his heart stopping for a split second only to pump with all its might right after.

'' Yes... ''

'' But you don't mean _like _as in friend like, right? '' Jinki asked in disbelief.

'' No. That's not what I mean, '' Jonghyun confirmed, a little annoyed.

But then that annoyance turned into amusement as he watched Jinki's brows furrow deeply again as if he was trying to split something open with the only power of his mind.

'' Do you need another kiss as proof? '' he playfully asked, smile dancing on his lips.

Jinki's face lit on fire at the very idea.

'' Well... '' He coughed. '' If you want... ''

Jonghyun laughed, enjoying the cute sight that was a flustered Jinki.

'' I'm not going to kiss you again when I don't even know how you feel, '' he then pointed out, pouting.

'' Isn't it obvious? '' Jinki said, half-teasing, half-asking.

'' Hmm... No, '' Jonghyun feigned, playing dumb. '' I'm not smart like you, Lee Genius. '' 

'' I need things to be explicit, '' he went on, smirking.

Jinki swallowed hard as the other's gaze stayed on him, intent.

He held his gaze, not seeing that behind that playful glint there was still fear. Fear of his answer.

'' I like you too, '' Jinki brought himself to say as his body tensed up.

He didn’t let himself pause as the blonde’s expression changed to one of surprise.

‘’ I’ve liked you since our first year here. And that feeling never stopped growing. ‘’

‘’ But… You didn’t even know me, ‘’ Jonghyun pointed out, disconcerted.

‘’ So imagine how much I like you now, ‘’ Jinki threw back without thinking.

No one had ever managed to get Jonghyun flustered before, but there he was, cheeks burning up and stomach flipping into somersaults.

'' Yah... What happened to Lee_ ‘I'm not good at conversation’_ Jinki? '' he uttered in protest.

'' Cause that was pretty smooth, '' he then acknowledged, slightly disgruntled.

Jinki couldn't help but laugh at that.

'' Yeah well that was just the truth. ''

Jonghyun clicked his tongue. '' You're something else, Lee Jinki. ''

'' Well if it has anything to do with why you like me, I won't argue. ''

'' It does, '' Jonghyun confirmed. '' Along with many other things like that gorgeous smile and strong build of yours, '' he shared as one hand came up to squeeze the other's bicep.

'' Have you been working out? '' the blonde suddenly exclaimed as he sized it.

'' A bit yeah... '' Jinki replied bashfully.

'' When??? ''

'' I usually go when you're at the studio. ''

'' Ah... Ninja Jinki strikes again, '' Jonghyun voiced, impressed.

Jinki smiled, somewhat satisfied with himself.

'' We should train together, '' Jonghyun suggested.

'' Don't you train with Minho? ''

'' Yeah, so? ''

'' Well I do remember him not being too fond of me... ''

The worry the blonde read in the other's eyes bothered him.

'' Even if he had a problem, which wouldn't change a thing by the way, he’d have no right to complain anymore. ''

The brunette cocked an eyebrow. '' Why's that? ''

'' Cause Kibum started tagging along, '' Jonghyun informed.

'' It's not even like he's really training. '' he added, scowling.

That made Jinki chuckle.

'' So they're buddies now, huh? ''

'' Apparently. They still argue all the time though, '' Jonghyun pointed out with a snort.

'' Must be entertaining, '' Jinki observed, amused.

'' No. It's annoying, '' Jonghyun squarely refuted, making the other laugh again.

'' That's why you want me there, '' the latter gathered.

'' Of course not, '' Jonghyun objected, fake gasping.

'' I just want to spend as much time as I can with you, '' he went on, turning his voice into honey.

That trick of his had always proved to be effective, but Jinki wasn't that easily swayed. Not in that moment anyways.

'' That's so cheesy, '' he said, scrunching up his nose.

'' Keep this up and I'm never kissing you again, "' Jonghyun threatened, unsettled by his failure.

'' I've gone this long without your kisses, I think I'd survive, '' Jinki riposted.

'' You're so needy though, I don't think the same could be said for you. ''

A smug smile followed his words as he stared at a dumbfounded Jonghyun.

'' Since when did you get so cheeky? ''

'' You're making it too easy, seriously, '' Jinki bantered before retrieving a more serious tone.

'' Kisses or not, I just want to be with you. I missed you. ''

Jonghyun felt his heart rate quicken once more as the taller one's gaze bore into his.

'' I missed you too, '' he returned, feeling himself melt.

It was only a second before he found himself trapped in the other's arms, the gesture fulfilling his secret wish of the last few weeks.

Jonghyun hugged him back with all he had, filling a sense of peace washing over him.

'' _Hug me, lean on my shoulder _

_Have strong trust in me, you know that saying?_

_I know even though you don’t say it ''_ he uttered against him, the words slipping out of him like a stream.

Jinki pulled back a bit, showing him the surprise that painted his features.

'' You read the lyrics? ''

Jonghyun nodded. '' I know them by heart. ''

'' So you like them? '' Jinki asked, self-conscious.

'' They're perfect, Jinki, '' Jonghyun answered, making the other's expression soften with relief.

'' You showed once again how much of a romantic you are, '' he then teased with a smirk.

'' Well, now you know where I get my inspiration. ''

Jonghyun grinned.

'' Has anyone stolen your heart, Lee Jinki? ''

'' What if I said yes? '' Jinki asked, smiling in turn.

'' Then I'd tell you that someone has stolen my heart too. ''

The silence that followed spoke volumes as their smiles mirrored each other's to form a bubble of pure joy and relief.

It wasn't long before they were in each other's arms again, the peace and quiet bringing their hearts to beat at the same time.

***


	7. Epilogue.

_\- A few months later -_

‘’ Jjong, relax, ‘’ Jinki said for the billionth time as he watched the blonde pace back and forth before him.

That was effective enough to make him stop in his tracks, but not to relax him.

‘’ Easy for you to say _Mr. I got accepted into the Seoul Institute of the Arts_, ‘’ the blonde spat as he shot the other a deadly stare.

Jinki didn’t feel threatened one bit by it.

‘’ I’m sure you got in too, ‘’ he calmly said. ‘’ But we’ll never know if you don’t open the letter, ‘’ he went on, feeling like a broken record as the words left his mouth for the third time that day.

‘’ Oh. Apart from being a ninja and a genius, are you also a clairvoyant? ‘’ Jonghyun retorted derisively.

It took the brunette every last bit of his composure to not roll his eyes and frustrate him even more. He had gotten to see in the past few months how dramatic the other could get when things didn’t go his way or when they were out of his control. It had taken a few mistakes on his part to figure out what helped in these moments and what didn’t.

‘’ Baby, ‘’ Jinki softly called before patting his lap. ‘’ Come here. ‘’

He instantly knew he had struck the right chord as Jonghyun’s expression softened. Jinki wouldn’t naturally use pet names, but he knew how much Jonghyun loved them. In moments like these, they proved to be ridiculously effective.

It wasn’t long before the blonde was on his lap, straddling him.

‘’ That’s not what I meant, ‘’ Jinki said, uneasy.

‘’ I know, but it’s more fun like this, ‘’ Jonghyun pointed out as his arms came up around his boyfriends’ neck.

‘’ Jjong, I-

‘’ How about we don’t open that letter and kiss for the rest of the afternoon instead? ‘’ Jonghyun suggested, lowering his voice.

‘’ You know we can’t do that. The play’s going to start soon, ‘’ Jinki reminded as he tried not to think about how close their crotches were to one another’s.

Jonghyun had gotten bolder in his touches lately and Jinki couldn’t help but feel a little scared. He was very aware of how little experience he had in that department and didn’t want to disappoint. But he also knew Jonghyun was considerate enough not to push him too far beyond from his comfort zone, despite his obvious growing needs.

‘’ The auditorium will be packed, ‘’ Jonghyun pointed out, huffing. ‘’ It’s not like someone will notice if we’re there or not. ‘’

Jinki cocked an eyebrow at that. ‘’ Do I really have to remind you that your best friend’s in it? And that he has the main role? ‘’

‘’ I’m sure he’ll be great, ‘’ Jonghyun stated, mind intent on getting an afternoon of kisses. He felt like it was the least he deserved after having put in all that hard work these past few months.

‘’ I’m sure too, ‘’ Jinki agreed. ‘’ And that’s why you need to be there. To see him in all his glory. ‘’

‘’ Do you really care that much about that play or are you trying to avoid kissing time? ‘’ Jonghyun inquired, frowning.

‘’ Kissing time? ‘’ Jinki echoed, disconcerted.

‘’ Yes, kissing time, ‘’ the other reiterated. ‘’ A time where we just enjoy each other’s mouths and forget about everything else. ‘’

A snort left the brunette’s mouth. ‘’ Well that’s pretty much all the time with you. ‘’

‘’ Don’t act like you don’t like it too, ‘’ Jonghyun fussed.

Jinki sighed in exasperation. ‘’ I do, but right now’s not the time. You’re going to open that letter and then we’re going to see the play. End of story. ‘’

‘’ Or what? ‘’ Jonghyun immediately threw back, his tone defiant.

‘’ Seriously, Jjong? ‘’

It was now the blonde’s turn to sigh as he realized he had no more way out now.

‘’ Okay, I’ll open the damn letter, ‘’ he grumbled before getting off the other’s lap.

‘’ But if I didn’t get accepted, we will stay here and kiss, ‘’ he decided as he walked towards the center table where he had left said letter.

Jinki didn’t hold back this time and rolled his eyes at the other’s nonsense. _As if you’d be in the mood to kiss then. _

‘’ I’m pretty confident we will go see the play instead, ‘’ he countered.

Jonghyun didn’t say a word as he held the envelope in his hand and stared at it for a while. It was still crazy to him that months ago he had been leaning towards not going to university and now it felt like it was where his whole future lied.

Wanting to stay with Jinki just made the whole thing even more nerve-wracking.

The latter got up as he sensed his boyfriend’s distress. It wasn’t long before he was hugging him from behind, arms circling his slim waist like he loved so much to bring him some comfort.

‘’ Whatever it says, everything’s going to be fine, I promise, ‘’ he softly uttered against him before placing a gentle kiss right under his ear.

He didn’t miss the slight tremor in his body before he let himself relax in his arms.

‘’ Okay, ‘’ Jonghyun breathed. ‘’ Here we go. ‘’

Without much grace, he ripped the envelope open and pulled out the paper inside. His eyes went straight to its contents, but his first attempt at reading the paper failed as the words blurred before his eyes.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, feeling Jinki’s embrace tighten around him.

‘’ Here we go again, ‘’ he voiced to himself.

This time when his eyes went back to the paper, they didn’t falter. Only when he reached the end did he find himself not being able to see anymore, his eyes now filled with tears.

Jinki immediately turned him around to look at him when the first sob broke out from his lips.

‘’ Oh, baby… ‘’ he croaked, throat tight, as he watched him break down.

Jonghyun tried to speak, but the emotion was too much. Instead, he buried his face into his shirt, holding on to it with his free hand as if he was scared the other was suddenly going to disappear.

‘’ It’s okay, baby… ‘’ Jinki lulled as he put his own sadness aside for a moment. ‘’ You don’t need uni to do what you love. You’re already amazing at it. ‘’

Jonghyun kept crying, unable to get a grip over himself. Feeling Jinki hold him again just seemed to make everything he had kept bottled up inside spill out even more.

It was probably another five minutes before the mess his emotions had created became more orderly. Thoughts found themselves back into his mind again and with that came back the ability to put them into words.

‘’ Jinki… ‘’ he breathed, voice shaky from the lingering ruckus in his body.

‘’ I’m in… ‘’ he managed to let out as he pulled away just enough to look at him.

Jinki’s eyes widened in disbelief. ‘’ Really? ‘’

‘’ Yeah… ‘’ Jonghyun answered under his breath as a surge of emotion welled up in his chest again.

‘’ You made it, ‘’ Jinki took in as he smiled in relief.

‘’ No, we made it, ‘’ Jonghyun rectified before looking at the paper again.

‘’ They said that my audition tape had left them deeply impressed and that they’d be honored to welcome such promising talent, ‘’ he went on before locking eyes with the taller one once more.

‘’ I played our song, Jinki, ‘’ he finally revealed. ‘’ So you got me in too. ‘’

Surprise widened the brunette’s dark eyes. ‘’ You played _1000_? ‘’ he exclaimed.

‘’ Well yeah, it was the obvious choice, ‘’ Jonghyun answered with assurance.

Jinki fell silent for a few seconds, astounded.

‘’ I-I don’t know what to say… ‘’ 

‘’ You don’t have to say anything, but I do, ‘’ the blonde indicated, his tone earnest. 

‘’ Thank you, Jinki, ‘’ he then said as he took one of his hands in his.

Jinki’s heart fluttered at the touch. ‘’ I just wrote the lyrics, really… ‘’

‘’ They are an essential part of the song, ‘’ Jonghyun reminded.

‘’ But I’m not just saying thank you for that, ‘’ he went on. ‘’ You’ve helped me so much this year, in so many ways, and I know that I wouldn’t have experienced this level of growth and success if it weren’t for you, ‘’ he finished, feeling himself get emotional again.

‘’ I don’t think you should be giving me that much credit, but if that’s how you feel then I’m extremely happy that I could help you in some way, ‘’ Jinki replied, bashful.

‘’ You’ve helped me so much too, Jjong. Thank you, ‘’ he returned, heart swelling in his chest.

Jonghyun felt flustered again, something that had just become an annoying recurrence ever since they had confessed their feelings to each other.

‘’ Okay, this is getting way too corny, ‘’ he observed to save face.

He was answered with a soft laugh. ‘’ You’re right. ‘’

Jonghyun smiled, warmed by the man before him and by the gratefulness he had for everything in his life.

‘’ Well… I guess it’s time to go see Ming kiss Kibum, ‘’ he indicated as he moved away to put down the paper that he was holding.

‘’ You mean to go see Romeo kiss Juliet, ‘’ Jinki bantered.

‘’ Same difference. ‘’

Jinki laughed at that, shaking his head at the other’s ridiculousness. 

Realizing there wasn’t much time left before it started, they didn’t lose any more time lingering in the room. They soon stepped out and started walking side by side down the hallway leading to the auditorium, surrounded by a mass of students heading the same way. 

To any onlooker, it wouldn’t seem like anything had changed in their relationship in the past few months. They still just looked like two good friends enjoying each other’s company. Only people who had been a witness to their relationship beforehand could see the subtle difference now whenever they were around other people.

It was in the subtle touches, the loving looks and in the indescribable but felt bond that couldn’t be denied in every moment they shared together. These elements were there even before, but they stuck out with even more vibrancy and intensity now.

They weren’t trying to let everyone know what was going on between them, but they weren’t also trying to hide it at all costs.

‘’ Hyung!!! Jinki-hyung!!! ‘’ a young-sounding voice suddenly yelled from behind them.

They turned in sync, both smiling as they saw Taemin making his way towards them.

‘’ Excited to see the play? ‘’ he asked enthusiastically as he reached them.

‘’ Oh definitely, ‘’ Jonghyun replied, words vibrating with mischievous delight.

‘’ He’s got this really weird thing about wanting to see Minho kiss Kibum, ‘’ Jinki filled in as he saw the confusion on the younger one’s face.

‘’ Ah… ‘’ Taemin chuckled. ‘’ I do want to see that too. ‘’

Jinki shook his head, both amused and exasperated. ‘’ Am I the only one who’s actually interested to see what they did with one of the most iconic love stories of all time? ‘’

‘’ Yes, ‘’ the other two answered at the same time.

That had them laughing and high-fiving as the brunette just sighed at their silliness. It wasn’t long before some of the other boys they met along the way just added to it, cracking every kind of jokes they could think of on the matter.

They were finally forced into silence once they stepped into the auditorium, all of them taking a place in the front to make sure they’d see the whole thing unfold clearly before their eyes.

It was a few more minutes before the play finally started, bringing all their anticipation to its highest peak. But what followed didn’t match what they had been waiting to experience. Instead, it felt like a spell had been cast over them, making them subservient to everything that was being conveyed on stage through the elegant and emotional speeches.

When the first kissing scene actually happened, Jonghyun didn’t even feel like laughing anymore. It just felt like the most natural culmination to what had preceded, sucking him in even more into the story.

Without even thinking, he grabbed Jinki’s hand, squeezing it tight, as he watched Romeo kiss Juliet with a passion that made his heart race.

Jinki looked at him and couldn’t help but smile as he saw his eyes glisten. He squeezed his hand back before letting himself fall back into the story too.

The end seemed to arrive too fast and by the time all the actors stood on stage for curtain call and all the students clapped for them, the couple’s hearts felt like they were on the verge of exploding, swollen with too many emotions. 

They could hear the other guys’ voices again but couldn’t make out what they were saying. They didn’t even react much once they got up and started making their way out of the theater, leaving them behind. It was only when a dead silence fell over the room that they realized they were the only ones left.

‘’ It was great, wasn’t it? ‘’ Jinki voiced as he looked at Jonghyun again, head still swimming with lines from the play.

‘’ Yes, ‘’ Jonghyun agreed, affected beyond words.

‘’ I just hate that it ends so tragically, ‘’ he shared, sighing.

‘’ Yeah… ‘’ Jinki acknowledged. ‘’ But there’s beauty in the fact that they fell in love even though their starting circumstances should’ve normally made it impossible. ‘’

‘’ Mmhm, ‘’ the blonde hummed pensively.

‘’ The heart doesn’t get to choose, ‘’ he observed right when the curtain flew open again.

‘’ Eh? You guys are still here? ‘’ Minho exclaimed in surprise as he stilled on the empty stage. He had now returned to his regular school attire, aside from the tie hanging loose around his neck.

‘’ Yeah, we’re still trying to recover from the experience, ‘’ Jinki answered, laughing.

‘’ Do you mean that in a good or a bad way? ‘’ Minho inquired, brows furrowing over his eyes.

‘’ Of course he means that in a good way, you dumbass, ‘’ Kibum retorted as he came out from behind the curtain in a similar fashion.

‘’ Jesus fucking Christ, Kibum. Can’t you be nice for like two seconds? ‘’ Minho fulminated, eyes shooting daggers at the other.

‘’ I am being nice, ‘’ the latter swiftly countered. ‘’ If you weren’t so dumb, you would’ve realized that I was actually complimenting us by saying that. ‘’

‘’ Your compliments always come with an insult! ‘’

‘’ So what, are you going to cry now? ‘’ 

It was all that was needed to turn the whole thing into a full-blown argument, the two actors completely forgetting then that they weren’t alone. 

‘’ Wow… that makes me admire their acting skills even more, ‘’ Jinki said as he watched the ongoing battle.

‘’ How can they go from looking so in love to this? ‘’ he asked, bewildered.

‘’ Oh, trust me, they’re very in love right now, ‘’ Jonghyun answered, chortling.

Jinki laughed. ‘’ Are they ever going to acknowledge it though? ‘’

‘’ I have a feeling they will, ‘’ Jonghyun said, smiling.

‘’ Looks like sharing a dorm really had its perks this year, ‘’ Jinki observed, smiling in turn.

Jonghyun looked at him fondly, remembering some words from not so long ago. 

‘’ Yeah, I think we could say it worked out well, no? ‘’

Jinki’s smile widened even more as their eyes locked.

‘’ I guess you could say so. ‘’

***


End file.
